


Apartment 408

by CookieCuddler



Category: EXO (Band)
Genre: Angst, Barebacking, Drama, Explicit Sexual Content, M/M, Masturbation, OT12 - Freeform, Psychological, Romance, Sehun centric, To An Extent, and more to come TBC, i think, probably
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-07-16
Updated: 2017-05-26
Packaged: 2018-07-24 08:33:17
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 11
Words: 39,059
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7501344
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/CookieCuddler/pseuds/CookieCuddler
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Due to a series of unfortunate events, Sehun is forced to move into a small apartment with his mother and younger sister. Through the process of acclimating to a new environment and dealing with his parents' impending divorce, he learns more about himself than he ever did while living in the suburbs, and it's all credited to his neighbors next door.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Warm Fresh Meat to Stale Bland Rice

**Author's Note:**

> This is a story that I came up with while I studying for my Astronomy final...six months ago . It'll be Sehun-centric but I want to include other characters' POV as well. There will be a healthy dose of ChanBaek in this since I love them so much, as well as other ships. If this works out the way I plan, it's going to be wild. TBC
> 
> UNBETAED so I'm sorry if there are any mistakes

The apartment wasn’t too bad. It wasn’t like the house he used to live in before his parents separated, but it wasn’t bad. He had his own room despite it being considerably smaller than the one he had at home. At least it’s bigger than his younger sister’s. It seems unspoken, although, that when his older brother returns from university during the next break, that he’ll have to share with him. Just for the time being.

“Just for the time being.” His mother says as she places a box filled with plates on the kitchen counter.

“For how long?” Sehun’s younger sister questions. At five years old, she is the baby of the family. A spitting image of their mother, whereas Sehun, took the looks of their father.

“Until I can afford a bigger place or your dad gives us back the house.”

“Why did daddy take the house?”

The room went quiet. Why did their father take the house? It’s a question Sehun pondered to himself repeatedly throughout the course of the day. He steals a glance over toward his mother for her response. He can see the distress in her eyes and the dejection that leaks from them. It’s something he had become accustomed to with the news of his father’s affair with a young secretary at work.

A slim hand runs through the front of her hair as her eyes focus on the lone cardboard box on the counter, she mumbles, “…because he doesn’t love me anymore,” before catching herself.

“Sehun, can you help your sister unpack her things in her room?” His mother flashing them both a smile, one he knows is fake.

He nods in response before taking his younger sister’s hand and walking further into the cramped apartment.

 

 

* * *

 

 

Sehun is unable to sleep. Blankets that were freshly stripped from his bed at home feel foreign in his new bedroom. The room is bare except for the two boxes filled with unpacked clothes and his school uniform hanging on the hook behind his bedroom door. There is a window to his left that provides a bit of light that reflects off of the remnants of his old life, the unpacked boxes, in a hyperbolic aura. After he helped his younger sister unpack her things, their mother called them back into the kitchen for dinner. It was take out from a nearby restaurant. Used to his mother’s home cooked meals, the artificial taste of the cheap rice dish was something new, which he liked, however, it’s something that left a scar of what his old life was. Warm fresh meat to stale bland rice. His mother brightened up considerably after the minor spat in the kitchen, but when he went to bed, he could hear her crying through the feeble walls. His hands tingled with the desire to punch his father, but this is all for the time being, right?

The 15-year-old shifts in his bed for the umpteenth time that night and reaches over to the nearby nightstand and activates his phone.

“2:39,” he whispers to himself.

There is still work to be done until their new apartment feels ‘homey,’ so knowing his mother, she’ll let him skip school under the pretense that he’ll help her unpack. Which means, instead of catching up on much needed sleep due to the stress he has endured the past couple of days, he will spend the better part of the day moving boxes and cleaning.

 “Tsk.”

He flips onto his back and stares at the ceiling until he hears a thump. Eyeing the wall behind him warily, he attempts to continue his self-pity party when it he hears it again. Now in a sitting position, he looks towards the wall behind him as he hears another and another. Experienced to couples fighting, his parents as a prime example, he would just plug in a pair of headphones and play a song abnormally loud in an effort to drown it out. Usually. The muffled voices that go with the increasing thumping has his ears going red and face burning hot.

“Are they—” he gulps as the sounds increase, “are they—fu- _fucking_?”

He wraps his arms clumsily around his legs as the noises through the wall increase in volume. He spots his headphones on the floor but he couldn’t find it in him to move and grab them. His grip on his ankles intensifies as he now can distinctly recognize words pouring through the wall.

“ _Cah-ya-ah!”_

“Chan?” He repeats to himself. His mother had told him that she ran into a young man earlier that morning who helped her when she almost dropped the box with the dishes.

_I guess his name has ‘Chan’ in it._

_“I missed you so much,”_ albeit muffled, the deeper voice stands out against the higher pitched moans that continue to spill from the wall.

_Long distance relationship? So the one nearly…screaming, is a long distance girlfriend and Chan missed her?_

Sehun purses his lips at this development. He couldn’t stop the pang of jealousy at the love the two are, selfishly, releasing to each other is something his parents no longer have. With a sigh, he removes the grip from his ankles and places his arms behind him. Before him is a tent in his pajama pants straining against the fabric.

 _I am a growing boy so it’s natural I guess_.

His hand slowly slinks down to the waistband of pajama pants as the thumps lose rhythm. 

 

 

* * *

 

 

Sehun feels absolutely awful. Not only did he, shamelessly, masturbate last night. He got off from the obvious reunion sex his next-door neighbors had. The same neighbor that helped his mother the day before. The same neighbors that volunteered to help him and his mother clean after running into her earlier that morning. Not only is he exhausted from the full three hours of sleep he got last night, he would rather fall into the pits of hell, at this exact moment, than face his next-door neighbors at this time, if ever.

“When are they coming?” The youngest of the family, Yeri, slurps as she continues to eat her breakfast.

At this time, the three Oh’s are sitting around a small dining table eating ramen from the convenience store down the street.

“In the next hour. Do want to help us?” Their mother asks her youngest with a smile, another Sehun knows is fake.

Instead of joining the lighthearted conversation, he watches how the buoyant noodles of his ramen float to the top as he hears his younger sister shriek in excitement, most likely in reply to their mother’s question. With a push to the end of his chopstick, a noddle falls to the bottom, disrupting the current of the vegetables swimming in the broth. Within a few seconds, the noodle floats back to the top as if nothing happened.  Again, he repeats this process, but instead of gently pushing the noodle down, he stabs it. The juice becomes agitated, splashing the interior of the Styrofoam cup. When the chopstick is removed, however, the noodle finds its way back to the top as the broth rediscovers equilibrium. Sehun glances up toward his mother at this moment, her hair is fizzed and she has dark eye bags. He can’t remember the last time he’s seen her like this. His thumb slides against the side of chopstick at this revelation, the desire to break it is strong.

 

 

 

“Can I stay in my room when they come over?”

 

 

 

The pressure on the utensil increases.

 

 

 

“Sehun, why don’t you want to help?”

 

 

 

His thumbnail turns white at his mother’s words.

 

 

 

“I’m tired.”

 

 

 

 The noodle is drowning beneath the chopstick.

 

 

 

She starts exasperatedly, “I understand, but—”

The snap of the chopstick stops his mother in her tracks. Yeri turns her attention to her older brother, who is sitting next to her. His hand shakes as he releases the damaged chopstick from his grip and drops it on the table.

“Sehun…” He ignores his mother.

“Sehunnie, are you okay?” He ignores his sister as well.

He can see his mother wince as his chair screeches against the floor. He refuses to look back as he leaves for his room.

 

 

* * *

 

 

After running away during breakfast, Sehun felt terrible, again. There is some immediate comfort in his mother and sister giving him some much needed space, but isolation isn’t what he needs either. As he lays flat on his stomach, alone, his thoughts run wild. They move from his neighbors, to his parents, to his mother, to his father, then back to his mother. He’s angry, annoyed, and upset, but at who, he can’t place. At first he thought of his father, he was the one who started it all. His affair and the lies that came with it is what broke the family. But the more he thought about it, maybe it was his mother. He feels sympathetic towards her. Married with three children, living the ideal life, supposedly happily. One day you come home from shopping and see your husband’s cell phone that he forgot, or rather, _left_ on the counter. You can see messages upon messages appear on his phone from an unknown number. When curiosity gets the best of you and you read the preview of each one on the lock screen, the happy marriage that you once bragged about to your high school friends and what your children were made because of, isn’t as blissful as you once thought. Out of the four of them, Sehun understands that his mother is the one who got the short end of the stick. He and his other siblings still have a father, but his mother, no longer has a husband. He replays the scene from yesterday where he heard her slip. A surge of comfortability filled him when he heard her say, _because he doesn’t love me anymore_ , not only because he agreed, but she finally acknowledged something was wrong.

His arms are crossed in front of him as he looks up toward the wall where he heard his neighbors last night.

_So I’m upset with mom._

A light knock against his bedroom door breaks Sehun out of his trance. He reflexively looks back towards the door as it opens.

“Sehun, do you want to talk about what happened?”

He returns his gaze forward, towards the wall.

“Not particularity.”

He can hear her sigh and feel the side of the bed dip.

“I understand that this is difficult for you. For the past few months, as your dad and I fought more, you’ve become more reserved. Being the oldest after your brother left probably made you feel the need to take over his position, and protect me.”

Her hand strokes his upper back as she continues, “For right now, I want you to focus on your sister and yourself. I miss my sassy little Sehunnie. Don’t be so hard on yourself. I-I’ll be okay.”

He heard the way her voice lost confidence when she mentioned herself, she’s lying, again. He decides to look back towards his mother, but he’s met, yet again, with another smile. Her eyes speak nothing but of a deep despair.

_Why is she hurting herself like this?_

“Stop.” His voice comes out cold.

The watery smile breaks as her features curve in confusion, “What—”

“—Mommy, there’s someone at the door!”

Sehun is the one who breaks eye contact.

“O-oh, um, thanks sweetie, I’ll be right there!”

Sehun says nothing as she gets up from the bed and moves toward the door.

“It’ll mean a lot to me if you helped us, but if you want to stay here then, that’s okay as well.”

He could hear how hurt she sounded, but he continues to say nothing when the door shuts.

 

 

* * *

 

 

As Sehun exits his room, he can hear a voice, a baritone voice.

_The voice from last night._

He can feel his face heat up from the memory of it all. His mother gave him an escape, but here he is, standing outside of room, in the hallway, terrified.

_It’s not like he’ll know what I did or if I heard him with his girlfriend._

He tries reasoning with himself, but he can’t shake the fear that sets deep underneath his skin. The desire to turn back and flee to his room is overpowering his initial decision. Perhaps he could sleep or stare at his ceiling and count the cracks or something. Yet, he can’t help himself but think back to his mother and how she exposed a more vulnerable side of her to him. From his angle, he couldn’t see her face, but her words, spoke a truth for the first time in a while.

_I can’t deny her after that._

With a deep breath, he dawdles forward, following the voice to where his neighbor, sister, and mother are.

 

 

* * *

 

 

As Sehun shuffles closer towards the kitchen, he can hear laughter and clapping. Despite the deepness of it, the laughter hums with warmth and delight. He can also hear his sister giggle and his mom release a few chuckles.

_Our neighbor must be perfect or something to make my mother laugh as genuinely as that._

From what he could remember from what his mother told him the day before, she described him as “Tall and handsome with a gentle heart.”

When he reaches the kitchen, instead of the tall and handsome man that his mother described, he is met with a funny elf looking individual. His neighbor claps his hands as if it is helping him breathe through his laugh fit.  The combination of his baby face and pointy ears makes him look comical. He is indeed tall and gangly, but if he had to describe him, ‘a dumbass’ would be a better fit than ‘handsome with a gentle heart.’

“…What type of idiotic giraffe yoda look-a-like—”

“Baekhyunnie tells me the same thing!”

_He heard me?_

“B-Baekhyunnie?” Sehun asks incredulously.

Sehun can see his mother turn around with wide, surprised eyes, “Sehun, you changed your mind?” The relief bleeding through her voice is apparent.

He nods as their neighbor strides over to him.

With a hand out, the neighbor introduces himself, “Hello, my name is Chanyeol, I live in apartment 410, on the right side of you.”

Sehun shakes his hand through a routine that was borne from monotonous interaction before he comes to a halt.

_Cah-ya-ah_

_I missed you so much_

He can feel his face heat up in embarrassment. Sehun retracts his hand from Chanyeol as if he burned him because by this point, he confident he’s sweating bullets.

Chanyeol’s large eyes widen in concern, “Sehun, are you okay?”

“I-I’m, uh _—_ ”

“Sehunnie! Your face is super red!” Yeri supplies behind their mother.

Sehun struggles to come up with an excuse before there is a knock at the door.

“That must be Baekhyunnie,” Chanyeol states matter-of-factly. He provides a further explanation as Sehun’s mother reaches for the door to let the new guest in, “he went down the street to the convenience store to pick up some things to help clean.”

Sehun lets out a sigh as the attention shifts to the ‘Baekhyunnie’ person. From where he can see, ‘Baekhyunnie’ is someone who is endearing. Him and Chanyeol are complete opposites. ‘Baekhyunnie’ slips his shoes off and bows to his mother in some sort of practiced delicacy while Chanyeol could barely walk over to him without tripping over himself. ‘Baekhyunnie’ seems reserved while Chanyeol is boisterous. One is petite, the other is lanky. Chanyeol is excitable while ‘Baekhyunnie appears more suave, until he opens his mouth.  

“Chanyeollie, the bags are heavy!”

_Chanyeollie?_

As if his body is on auto-pilot, Chanyeol maneuvers his way over to the front door, without tripping, to where ‘Baekhyunnie’ is. Chanyeol takes the bundle of bags from the latter.

“You told me you could do it by yourself.”

“I said that because I didn’t want to be late, first impressions are important.”

“Yeah, but if you’re tired…”

_They’re so close. Do they live together? Where’s Chanyeol’s girlfriend?_

Yeri walks up to the two, effectively interrupting their conversation, “You’re really pretty, Baekhyunnie!”

He flashes the girl a smile while breathing out a “Thank you.”

“Are you tired Baekhyun? We don’t have much yet, but you can lay down or—” Sehun’s mother starts.

He shakes his head in reply, “I’m okay, but thank you.”

Sehun hangs back as he watches his family interact with their neighbors. His eyes scan over the two as they continue to laugh about something Baekhyun said. When his eyes reach Chanyeol however, he can see him openly stare at Baekhyun. His neighbor’s soft smile and smoldering eyes directed toward his roommate makes Sehun’s heart crash against his chest.

_Are they really the people from next door? Did I hear it wrong? The one from last night sounded like a g—_

“ _Yah!_ Chanyeollie…” Baekhyun whines when one of Chanyeol’s hands finds itself on the back of his neck.

During that moment, while Sehun’s mother and younger sister were too busy laughing at their neighbors’ antics, Baekhyun gave Chanyeol a look with a shrewd smile. Sehun isn’t sure if his family saw it, but he caught it.

_Cah-ya-ah_

_They’re together._ (you’re so dense Sehun omg)

“You’re so sensitive,” Chanyeol teases as he walks back to the kitchen to put the bags on the counter.

 

 

As Chanyeol approaches, he offers Sehun a smile, an honest one.

 

 

* * *

 

 

 

Yeri stuck to Baekhyun’s side like glue as she continuously complimented him while they wiped the cabinets down together, Sehun didn’t miss Chanyeol’s stare. Whenever his mom asked Chanyeol for help with reaching the top of the refrigerator or something of the like, it was impossible for Sehun to miss Baekhyun’s brilliant smile. When Baekhyun helped Sehun wash the dishes and he couldn’t help himself but stare at Baekhyun (it ran in the family, apparently) Sehun caught the look Chanyeol threw at him, but Sehun couldn’t find it in him to stop. After the two said their goodbyes and returned to their apartment, Sehun pulled his mother aside. Her worried look when he asked if their neighbors were together frightened him. She saw it, “Right away,” as she put, but he didn’t.

“Do you see something wrong with it Sehun? Because there’s nothing wrong with—”

“—I don’t see anything wrong with it, it’s just…”

His mother looks at him expectedly. Genuine concern etched on her face.

_I can’t stop thinking about it._

“I-I’m going to go lay down.”

“Oh.” Sehun senses his mother’s disappointment.

“But Sehun, before you go, thank you for helping out and meeting our neighbors. I’m relieved to see that you’re in a better mood than what you were in…earlier.”

She doesn’t smile, but her contentment is clear.

Sehun nods before he escapes to his bedroom.

_I can’t stop thinking about him._

 

 

 

 

 _WoooOOOOOOOOWWWWZA What are endings to chapters? ~~not this lol~~_ I didn’t plan for the introductory chapter to be this long (over 3000 words) but I wanted to end it where I can jump into the next set of characters (chanbaek) ~~how do you come up with names, I struggled with Sehun’s little sister. I copped out with his brother. I’m not creative.~~


	2. A Glass of Water

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Just a intro chapter to Chanyeol and Baekhyun and their relationship.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm back and hella late. There's a surprise toward the middle of the fic ;D (and by surprise I mean wrote more than I was supposed to because I felt bad)  
> Unbetaed so I'm sorry for any mistakes

Baekhyun could feel eyes bearing down upon him during the entirety of his visit over the Oh’s. The mother was generous, after Chanyeol’s slip, she would steal a glance here and there, offer a helping hand or a glass of water. A desire that was borne from her motherly instinct. The youngest, who later introduced herself as Yeri, stuck to his side like glue. While he appreciated all of her love and adoration, the dull ache that resurfaced from her presence couldn’t distract him from the feeling of being watched. This sensation reached its head when he helped the oldest, Sehun, with the dishes after they wiped the cabinets clean. Every time their hands brushed during the pass of a dish, where he washed and Sehun dried, Sehun would look away only to glance towards him a moment later. Whenever he would try to spark a conversation with the boy, Sehun would either ignore or give him a short answer, then steal another glance. By the end of their task, however, Sehun was blatantly staring at him. By this point, tensions were high with Chanyeol’s cold glares toward the teenager.

As the door clicks with the finality of their task, Baekhyun breathes a sigh of relief. Through the course of the clean, Chanyeol’s mood darkened considerably. Whereas before, he’ll joke and laugh, now, his smiles are replaced with poorly hid grimaces and scoffs. When they said their goodbyes to the Oh’s, Chanyeol still smiled like an idiot, but Baekhyun could see that his carefree nature was stiff and calculated.

“We finished pretty fast, right? It only took about two hours to help them,” Baekhyun begins with the intention to lighten the mood.

Chanyeol opens the door to their apartment with a jingle of the keys as a reply.

Walking through the threshold and slipping off their shoes, the atmosphere between the two is uncomfortable. Chanyeol closes the door silently and stalks off to the kitchen.

“Chanyeollie.” Baekhyun calls from the front door.

He doesn’t receive a response.

Baekhyun then follows Chanyeol into the kitchen where he sees him holding a glass of water that appears to be full.

“Chanyeol—”

“—I’m fine, Baek.”  
Baekhyun advances further into the kitchen until Chanyeol and himself are within a few steps of each other.

“Chanyeol, is this about Sehun?” His voice is soft as he reaches an arm out to touch Chanyeol’s elbow.

The two remain quiet for a while as Baekhyun’s question hangs in the air. Baekhyun is sure that Chanyeol’s sour mood is from the teenager not so subtly ogling him and Baekhyun is also sure that Chanyeol is aware of this as well, nevertheless, Chanyeol can’t keep these feelings inside, no matter how juvenile they are.

“Chan—”

 “—Do you think I should cook them something? For our neighbors, I mean.”

Caught off guard, Baekhyun sputters as his arm drops from Chanyeol, breaking the physical link between them. Chanyeol places his glass of water, untouched, on the counter beside him and looks off to the side, avoiding Baekhyun.

“Uh, I mean, it’ll be nice of you if you did, but, w—”

 “—I feel bad for being irritable earlier and they probably haven’t had a good meal in the last couple of days, so I feel obligated.”

Baekhyun’s retort, ‘why did you feel irritable earlier?’ dies on his tongue as Chanyeol continues to avoid him.

_I don’t want to push him away even more._

“Can I help?” He forces a smile on his face in the hopes that his feelings of discontentment are smothered behind a mask of cheerfulness.

“Don’t force yourself.”

Taken aback, Baekhyun gapes at Chanyeol’s words, “I’m not forcing myself.”

“You’re still in pain from last night, right?”

At this statement, Chanyeol looks over towards Baekhyun and their eyes meet briefly.

“Wh-what does that have to do with—”

“—I don’t like it when you push yourself like this, Baekhyun.”

Baekhyun folds his arms and looks off towards nothing in particular, “I told you I’m fine.”

“Baekhyun,” Chanyeol starts as he takes a step forward towards Baekhyun, “I saw you.”

“When?” Baekhyun spits back bitterly before adding, “…Did you see me? What did you see me do?”

_When do you see me, ever?_

Chanyeol’s concern is evident in his voice when he divulges deeper, “It hurts for you to walk right? I saw you almost faint a few times, you must be dizzy or—”

“—What,” sensing the animosity in his voice, Baekhyun takes a deep breath before continuing, “what does that have to do with this, with me helping you?”

Chanyeol touches Baekhyun’s shoulder, then cups the side of his face in an effort for their eyes to meet once again. Their eyes lock for a few seconds before Baekhyun breaks the contact.

“Chanyeol, why are you being like this? I told you, I’m fine.” Baekhyun’s voice is small as he focuses on the glass left on the counter behind Chanyeol.

“Baek—”

“—Is—is this about…I’m—my body is okay, you know that.” Baekhyun moves his hand to overlap Chanyeol’s on his jaw and pulls it off to hold their hands together at their sides.

He continues, “They said I’m okay” while looking Chanyeol in the eye.

“Baek—”

“—I’m probably tired because of last night, I didn’t get a lot of sleep, but I’m okay, so don’t worry,” Baekhyun states with a smile.

“Baek, you need rest.”

“But I’m fine.” He squeezes Chanyeol’s hand to help reassure him.

Chanyeol opens his mouth, most likely to retort, before closing it and moving towards the refrigerator. Their physical link is broken once again when Chanyeol retreats further into the kitchen, searching for the ingredients necessary to make a simple noodle dish. His back is to Baekhyun as he opens the refrigerator door deliberately.

“Chanyeol, I’m healthy, I don’t—”

“—Please,” Chanyeol clears his throat at the intensity of his voice, “please, rest—I don’t want you to be… like, _that_ , again.” The veins in his arm flex as he grips the door of the refrigerator door tightly.

“Please, Baekhyun.” Chanyeol’s voice breaks slightly during his plea.

Baekhyun sighs and nods at Chanyeol’s request.

“Okay.” Baekhyun affirms softly.

 

_I just want to spend time with you_

 

* * *

 

 

 

Baekhyun’s body is sore, whether it was from last night or other miscellaneous causes is unbeknownst to him, but Chanyeol’s insistence that he’ll relax bothers him intensely. It’s true that he felt light headed while helping the Oh’s but nothing that warranted Chanyeol’s heightened response. After their minor spat in the kitchen, Baekhyun strode off to their shared bedroom to ‘relax.’ But once he changed his clothes and laid down on the bed, he could do anything but. The sizzles and the subsequent clangs that came from the kitchen only heightened his frustration.

_He could have let me watch at least._

The repetitive narrative of Chanyeol leaving him behind left a heaviness in his limbs. Chanyeol seemed fine with him helping clean with the Oh’s and he didn’t find a problem with him taking a trip to the convenience store beforehand either. Cutting up a vegetable or two wouldn’t have done much damage to his ‘health.’

_Why is he being like this?_

Baekhyun shifts in the bed as his thoughts drift back to a time he would rather forget.

_Ever since the accident happened, he’s been on this overprotective kick._

Baekhyun stares forward toward their shared floor lengthened mirror and stares back at his reflection. His dark hair is disheveled and the color from his face has drained.

_Do you still blame me Chanyeol, is this the reason why you keep pushing me away?_

His frown sets deep in his face at his thought.

_Did you promise to spend the day with me out of guilt? Was my presence too much for you?_

His eyes are dark and the bags underneath them are full.

_Do you work all day so you don’t have to see me?_

 

_You wanted me to rest because you needed an excuse, right?_

 

 

* * *

 

 

 

“Baekhyunnie!” Chanyeol calls from the kitchen, his voice booming throughout their small apartment.

Baekhyun rolls his eyes at the sound of Chanyeol’s cheerful tone. He quickly rubs the runaway tears away from his face and submerges himself under the thick comforter of their bed. He hears the door open and his boyfriend’s heavy steps when he enters the room.

“Baek, I made beef noodles and I set you some aside in the fridge—”

“—Only for me?” Baekhyun winces at how curt his voice sounded and even from under the blanket, he’s confident Chanyeol did as well.

“…Yeah, since I’m—”

“—You’re eating with them?”

_Without me._

“Well, I’m going next door to drop them off next door and I thought…” Chanyeol trails off and the room falls silent.

“Baek.”

“Just leave, Chanyeol.”

After a few more moments, Baekhyun hears the door to their bedroom close.

 

 

* * *

 

 

_Baekhyun’s legs spasm and fall open as his first orgasm rips through his body. His head hits the pillow and his hands clutch at Chanyeol’s locks while the latter continues to suck on the head of his cock. Moans that sound similar to Chanyeol’s name pour out of the smaller’s mouth. Chanyeol licks a strip from the base of Baekhyun’s cock to its head after he sucks him dry. Baekhyun whines from the overstimulation and pushes Chanyeol off of himself and collapses onto the bed._

_“Chanyeol…fuck,” he exhales trying to catch his breath._

_Chanyeol slinks up his body, all the while, positioning himself between Baekhyun’s legs. Baekhyun reaches up and wraps his arms around Chanyeol’s neck. Chanyeol shifts their lips together in a chaste touch before diving into Baekhyun’s mouth so he can taste himself. With a subtle lick to the smaller’s lips, Chanyeol’s tongue is granted entrance for more. They break to get a breath of air before crashing back together as if their lips are magnetic. Their tongues massage the inside of the other’s mouth before finding solace with each other. Baekhyun moans into the kiss as he hears the drawer of their night stand open, and subsequently, shut. Chanyeol breaks the kiss and sits up to coat his fingers with the lubrication. His eyes are dark and his lips are swollen._

_“Baekhyunnie, you look so hot like this.” The base of his voice runs a shiver down Baekhyun’s spine._

_“Don’t call me that during sex.”_

_Chanyeol cocks his head to the side while moving his coated fingers down to Baekhyun’s bottom, “Why? Does it turn you on, Baekhyunnie?”_

_The aforementioned nearly cries out at the sultry element of Chanyeol’s voice._

_“Stop—”_

_A thick finger slides into Baekhyun’s heat, effectively interrupting him when a gasp falls from his mouth. The lone finger massages the walls tightly gripping it before adding another._

_Baekhyun shudders in pleasure, “Ch-Chanyeol.”_

_Chanyeol moves a third finger into Baekhyun causing him to cry out from the intrusion._

_“Do you like this?”_

_“Yes.”_

_“Have you been touching yourself, Baekhyunnie? You’re sucking me in so well,” Chanyeol whispers in Baekhyun’s ear before licking a stripe from the junction of his ear to his collarbone._

_“Fuck—Chanyeol, please just—”_

_“—So you have?” Chanyeol breathes into Baekhyun’s chest._

_Just as Baekhyun opens his mouth to reply, Chanyeol thrusts and bends his three fingers in earnestly, searching for the bundle of nerves. Baekhyun releases strangled cries of encouragement as the squelches from the lube fill the small bedroom. When Baekhyun starts to push back against the fingers, Chanyeol slides them out slowly and moves over to their nightstand._

_“Chan—Chanyeol, I want it raw,” Baekhyun pants._

_Chanyeol freezes in his conquest to find a condom and looks over toward his lover._

_“A-are you sure?”  
“I want to feel all of you,” Baekhyun confesses with a light smile on his face._

_Chanyeol readjusts himself between Baekhyun’s spread legs and reapplies lube to the hole clenching in front of him and his own member._

_“Yeol, that’s too much.”_

_“I don’t want to hurt you; it’s been awhile since we…had sex.”_

_Baekhyun smiles up at his boyfriend and his drastic change between an experienced dirty talker to some innocent teenager conducting his first time._

_“Stop being a virgin and put it in,” Baekhyun jokes._

_It’s Chanyeol’s turn to sputter and blush as he places himself against Baekhyun’s entrance and starts to push in. He drops down to his elbows so their noses are nearly touching. With each inch, Baekhyun’s head falls flat against the pillows and legs spread wider._

_“Chanyeol,” Baekhyun grimaces softly._

_“Does it hurt? I can stop and pull it—”_

_Baekhyun can hear the slight panic in Chanyeol’s voice so he grabs onto his biceps and wraps his legs around his waist to motivate him to keep going._

_“Chanyeol, I want this, and I know you do too. I’m okay.”_

_Chanyeol nods as he continues to push in until he bottoms out._

_“Fuck, you’re so hot Baekhyunnie,” Chanyeol declares before he reclaims Baekhyun’s lips with his own._

_Their bodies remain still while their lips move with a familiar ease until Baekhyun pushes his ankles against Chanyeol’s back in an effort to get him to start moving. Their kiss is broken with the first thrust as they both part to moan. Baekhyun wraps his arms around Chanyeol's back from under his armpits as Chanyeol sets a steady pace. With every few thrusts however, Chanyeol speeds up, curses and slows down, only then to repeat the process again._

_Baekhyun forces out, “Ch-Chan…I…want it all,” while Chanyeol’s cock continues to rub his walls in a game of fast and slow._

_“Baekhyunnie,” he moans at Chanyeol’s in-stroke with the mention of the nickname, “I don’t want to hurt you.”_

_“Chanyeol, please, give it to me.”_

_Chanyeol nods lightly and the strength and velocity of his thrusts increase. He sits up so he can plunge even deeper and grabs Baekhyun’s knees to open him up wider. Baekhyun fists the sheets as moans spill from his mouth. He arches his back when the head of Chanyeol’s cock finds his spot._

_“Cah-yah-ah! Don’t stop.” Baekhyun gasps._

_The headboard of their bed hits against the wall and the bed squeaks obscenely as Chanyeol’s thrusts increase._

_“I missed you so much, Baekhyunnie,” Chanyeol grunts. His eyes flutter close and his mouth falls open when Baekhyun’s hole clenches tighter and tighter with each impending thrust._

_“Shit, Baekhyunnie.”_

_Ah’s and slurs of Chanyeol’s name fall from Baekhyun’s mouth as his untouched cock throbs with his approaching release. He reaches a hand down to stroke himself and his moans increase tenfold. Chanyeol’s head falls back as he loses all inhibition._

_“Chan—Chan…I—I’m going to cum!” Baekhyun sobs. The grip on his cock slips which causes him to grasp the head of his cock firmly. He throws his head back further into the pillow while his body arches of the bed._

_“Cum inside me, Chanyeol!_

_Chanyeol_

_Chanyeol!_

Baekhyun’s eyes open slowly when he hears a knock at the door. For a few seconds, he looks around the room in an effort to get his bearings. As he sits up, Baekhyun realizes he dreamt of Chanyeol and himself the night before, and frowns in reply. When he reaches for his phone on the nightstand to check the time, the door creeks open gradually but certainly. Elfish ears peek through the doorway before the gangly man that was present in his dream walks into the room.

“…Baekhyunnie?”

Baekhyun can’t control the blush that creeps up on his face but he unlocks his phone without giving his boyfriend a reply.

“Are—are you still upset with me?”

_Yes_

Baekhyun remains silent as he places his phone back onto the nightstand and pulls himself under the comforter.

“Baekhyun, can you please talk to me?”

_You couldn’t be bothered to talk to me._

From under the thick blanket he can hear heavy steps approach the bed and stop at the edge.

“Baek—”

“—Don’t talk to me.”

 “…Baek, I thought we were going to spend the day together.”

Baekhyun fights the urge to pull the blanket back and argue by ignoring Chanyeol in the hopes that he’ll leave so he can finish sulking, alone. In the next moment, however, he can feel a dip in the bed.

“Is this about the conversation we had earlier?” Chanyeol questions.

Baekhyun bites his lips as his retort starts bubbling up toward the surface.

“It’s not good to keep these things inside, Baekhyunnie. Talk to me—”

“—That didn’t stop you earlier.” Albeit muffled, the venom laced in Baekhyun’s reply is apparent.

“What are you—” Chanyeol starts.

Within an instant, Baekhyun throws the comforter off himself and stares at Chanyeol from the other side of the bed.

“Are you serious?” Baekhyun questions dangerously.

“Baek—”

“—After we came back from helping our neighbors next door, you got all weird and you wouldn’t talk to me—”

“Baek—”

“—and when _I_ tried to talk to _you_ about it, you changed the subject! Then when I tried to spend more time with you, you send me off—”

“ _Baek—_ ”

“—Then you go schmooze with the same neighbors that put you in that terrible mood, without me, and you want to talk to me about not wanting to spend time with you when that’s all I ever wanted?” Baekhyun finishes with a huff and turns his head in the opposite direction when his voice cracks.

“Baekhyunnie—”

“—Don’t call me that.”

“Baekhyun—”

“Leave me—”

“Stop interrupting me and let me explain myself!” Chanyeol asserts. When Baekhyun turns around to face his boyfriend, he can see that his eyes have darkened and he has a deep scowl on his face. Baekhyun rolls his eyes at him and starts to pull the blanket back up until Chanyeol stops him by grabbing his hand.

“I thought I told you—” Voice lacking the confidence that he had before, Baekhyun still stands his ground by yanking his hand out of Chanyeol’s grasp.

“—Baek, I’m sorry but you need to shut up and let me speak.”

Baekhyun stops in his tracks and looks up at Chanyeol.

“If I didn’t want to spend time with you today, why am I here now? Why would I go out of my way to try to talk to you if I didn’t really want to? I felt so bad about what happened in the kitchen, I decided to make a meal using one of your favorite meats.”

“That doesn’t fix the problem, Chanyeol. Yesterday, you promised me that you’ll spend more time with me since we haven’t seen each other for the past few weeks. Why did you send me off, then? Why were you so adamant that I leave you alone and go ‘rest’ only for you to leave me here and go next door?”

Chanyeol voice drops down an octave, “You know why, Baekhyun.”

“No the fuck I don’t! If I knew why, I wouldn’t be feeling like this! It can’t be about my health because, like I said, I’m fine. It has to be about something else—”

“—Baek, you know and I know that is a lie. I saw you over there! I saw you stumble around, I saw your slowed movements, why do you think everyone kept checking up on you! You’re not okay! I’m like this because,” Chanyeol takes a deep breath and whispers, “I don’t want to what happened last December to happen to you again. I’m not avoiding you, I just wanted you to take a break. I want you to stop pushing yourself like this.”

Baekhyun remains silent for a few minutes while Chanyeol’s words sink in. He opens his mouth to speak a couple of times before closing and looking down at his hands.

Baekhyun whispers, “I told you, I’m fine. They said I’m okay. It’s just, we don’t get to spend time like this together very often and I just wanted to be with you Chanyeol. I know my limitations.”

Chanyeol grabs Baekhyun’s hand from his lap, “You said that last time. And after…what happened I told myself there wouldn’t be a next time. I love you too much for you—for us to go through that again because of me.”

They sit in silence for a while. Chanyeol’s grip on Baekhyun’s hand tightens when he hears sniffles coming from the smaller. He pulls Baekhyun into his embrace once he sees Baekhyun’s free hand wipe his face.

“…Chanyeol.”

“Yes, Baekhyunnie?” Chanyeol’s hand moves to smooth down Baekhyun’s back.

“Are you going back to work tomorrow?”

“Yes.” Baekhyun’s grip on Chanyeol tightens at his answer.

“Chanyeollie, can you get me a glass of water? Crying made me thirsty.” Baekhyun chuckles at the end of his statement to lighten the mood but the break in his voice is still evident.

“Of course, Baekhyunnie.”

 

 

 

WHAT ARE ENDINGS TO CHAPTERS??/ WHOOO I’M HELLA LATE. Jumping back into the Sehun drama next chapter. ~~Did you see my failed smut? It wasn’t supposed to be that long but this chapter is angstier than I predicted so I tried to break up the pain. I think it makes a good juxtaposition to where they were the day before to where they are presently. See you!~~


	3. A Half Eaten Sandwich

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sehun returns to school and can't find his chill around Baekhyun.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here I am, Cookie Cuddler, Queen of Lateness. All I can say is, I tried, and I don't know what this is, but here it is. There are more hints to ships and characters in this chapter. If you think it is, you are correct! (Gonna be a lot of ship whoring in here, not with ChanBaek....really, but definitely with everybody else. (I'm sorry for the ending just a heads up) It took me forever because I was busy (dying) with the concert streams. 
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> Please support Sehun's happiness with whichever gender that may be!
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> UnBetaed

“Does anyone know how to answer question 14.2 on page 167?” An older man with thick framed glasses and graying hair stands in front of the class room with a book in hand, surveying his class of students.

Sehun’s head nods in fatigue as the older man declares, “I’ll call on random names if someone doesn’t want to volunteer.”

His pencil falls onto his empty notebook page and his hand catches his head the moment, “Oh Sehun, please come to the front of the class and solve this inequality” sounds throughout the classroom.

At the mention of his name, Sehun perks up immediately and sits up straight. His hand grabs the forgotten pencil on his desk and asserts the writing position.

“Oh Sehun,” the teacher states with his glasses falling down the bridge of his nose, “can you answer the question?”

“W-what question?” Sehun stutters. His eyes scan across the room and he see his classmates are staring at him.

“The question I just asked.”

In reflex, Sehun looks to his right and sees his one of his friends, Jackson give him a look of confusion. He returns his attention back to the teacher and swallows thickly, “um, I-I don’t—”

“—Kang Selugi, come up to the board and answer the inequality, please.”

Sehun lets out a sigh of relief as he sees the girl from a couple rows over, from his position in the middle of the class, stand and walk toward the board. Within a few minutes, the minor moment is forgotten until Sehun catches his teacher’s disapproving look.

After the question is correctly completed and Selugi returns to her seat, the older man calls on Sehun again, “Oh Sehun, meet me during the lunch period.”

Sehun nods in response and looks over towards Jackson and they share a look. Jackson shrugs his shoulders and returns his attention back to the board in the front of the classroom.

 

 

 

* * *

 

 

 

Sehun’s eyes sting with the lack of sleep he accumulated over the past couple of days. After his encounter with his neighbors, mainly one named ‘Baekhyun,’ he hasn’t found the ability to relax, let alone sleep. Chanyeol’s return to the apartment after his morning visit threw him off, however, it was at the shock that he came alone.

_Get yourself together and talk to Mr. Lee so you can get some sleep after eating lunch._

Sehun raises his hand to knock on the door to the faculty lounge before it swings open unexpectedly. In front of him are two boys, one with a feminine face, and the other with a sharp one. From what he can gather, the two are speaking in Mandarin. The softer of the two stops in the doorway and pulls the sleeve of his companion’s uniform jacket once his eyes land on Sehun. He bows and states a soft, “Sorry.” The boy with the sharper face and dark eye bags, follows suit. Sehun steps to his right while the duo goes left.

_Was that the new teaching assistant?_

Sehun continues to stand in the doorway of the lounge, staring off in the direction where the two boys left when, “Oh Sehun, you’ve arrived?” interrupts his thoughts.

He recognizes the voice as his math teacher, Mr. Lee. Sehun turns around to face the older man and nods before entering the room. Sehun waves through each desk until he meets the one that belongs to his math teacher. Mr. Lee is sitting in a desk chair with a stack of papers in his hand.

“Sehun, are you aware as to why I asked to meet you during lunch?”

Sehun truthfully confesses, “No,” in reply.

Mr. Lee sighs and places the stack of papers, most likely graded tests, on his desk.

“Sehun, is everything alright?”

Taken aback at the brazen question, Sehun clears his throat, “W-why do you ask?”

“You’re typically a good student when it comes to my class, but not only did you miss yesterday, you were falling asleep in class. If you were a delinquent I wouldn’t have called out like this, but, your behavior as of late is very unlike you. At the beginning of the semester, you had good marks on your homework and quizzes, but recently,” Mr. Lee pulls out the first few sheets in the stack of papers with red X’s marking the page, “your work has been deteriorating. I spoke with your other teachers and we’ve seen similar results.”

“…I’ve been dealing with some stress as of late.”

_I guess._

“Sehun, I think it’ll be good for you to meet with our school’s counselor to help you navigate the stress in your personal life. Although, if this continues, I’ll have to contact your parents.”

Their eyes meet for a brief moment and Mr. Lee gives Sehun a small smile. Sehun breaks the contact and fights a yawn.

 

 

 

* * *

 

 

 

“Sehun! I brought you a sandwich from the cafeteria. What was the meeting with Mr. Lee about? Jackson questions as soon as Sehun reentered the classroom.

Wordlessly, Sehun walks over to his desk, passing Jackson, he sits down in his seat and buries his head in his arms.

“Sehun.” Jackson calls.

“…He wanted to talk about my grades,” Sehun muffles between his arms.

“Grades? I mean, you’re not a Brainiac or anything, but your grades have never been bad.”

Sehun reaches out a hand soundlessly and Jackson drops the plastic wrapped sandwich in his friend’s hand.  Sehun rises up from his position on his desk and opens the package slowly.

“Mr. Lee said my grades are dropping, so he asked me if I was okay.” He removes the sandwich from the plastic wrap and holds it in his hands.

“Whoa, what? Your grades are dropping? Are you okay? Is that why you’re so tired today?”

“One at a time.” Sehun remarks in disdain before taking a bite of the sandwich.

“Sehun, I’m serious. We’ve noticed the change in your behavior—”

“—Where are the rest of the guys by the way?” Sehun questions with a mouth full of bread.

“They’re in the cafeteria and don’t dodge my questions,” Jackson glances around the room before scooting his chair closer to Sehun’s desk. He whispers, “Is this about your parents?”

Sehun stops chewing and looks down at his half eaten sandwich.

Jackson leans back and nods his head in understanding. “So it is. Is that why you missed class yesterday? You avoided all my texts like an ass.”

Sehun remains silent as he brushes the free forming crumbs off his sandwich. He takes the crumbled up plastic and rewraps his sandwich in it before placing it in his backpack.

“Is that enough for you—”

“—I won’t be able make it to today’s club activities.” Sehun calmly interjects.

Jackson sighs exasperatedly, “Sehun, stop.”

Sehun arranges his arms into a makeshift pillow on his desk and seats his head in his arms, face down.

“Seeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeehun!” Jackson drawls.

“And I won’t be able to make it to tomorrow’s activities either,” Sehun muffles through the material of his uniform shirt.

Dejectedly, Jackson sighs, “I’ll tell the president. When do you think you’ll be able to come back?”

“Never.”

 

 

 

* * *

 

 

 

“Sehunnie! Why did you pick me up today? Why can’t I ride the bus?” Yeri swings her interlocked hand with Sehun back and forth playfully. Her wide eyes and long eyelashes shine as she looks up towards her older brother.

“Mom has to work and the walk from your school to our new apartment is too far,” Sehun states plainly.

“When does Mommy come home?”

“Late,” Sehun yawns.

“Is Sehunnie going to play with me today?”

Sehun peeks down at his younger sister and nods dumbly, “Yes, Sehunnie will.”

They stop at a crosswalk a couple of blocks from their apartment complex. Across the street, the blinking, “Don’t walk” sign irritates Sehun eyes with its intensity and frequency. Yeri remains unaffected by the sign’s luminosity and continues to ramble on about the games she would like to play with ‘Sehunnie.’ The street is mildly busy with cars driving through the intersection and people walking in and out of nearby businesses. Sehun can see the captivation of the busier city life on his sister’s face. The brighter lights, muskier smells, boisterous new sounds and the greater sense of culture is overwhelming. Compared to their more comfortable life where all they saw most of the time was the cluster of houses in their neighborhood, their apartment gave him, and something his sister will learn to appreciate when she gets older, is something to compare their old life to. Despite the haze and the cloudiness that fogs up his perception due to his lack of sleep, he never felt so aware of his environment around him.  The sun was brighter, the rain was wetter and the sky felt more expansive at their old home, but at the crosswalk, the air is colder, the ground is harder and the hues associated with it are bleaker. Everything felt more real. Here, where he stands, his world isn’t constructed where its ugly is covered with a mask of lies, but its truth is what it portrays itself as at face value. This world is cold and has always been and will forever be without the deceit that it was once or could be warm. With each step they take as the sign changes to “Walk,” the world he thought was the world grows into something he wasn’t prepared for, yet it’s something he has accepted. This is a world that won’t disappoint him, it can be a solace that won’t hurt him.  Sehun can relate to the bubbling excitement that flows off his younger sister in waves. It’s something new that challenged the mundane. As they reach the other side of the street, their apartment complex comes into view.

_Comfortability is what this is._

“Sehunnie! Sehunnie! Look it’s Baekhyunnie from yesterday!” Yeri pulls their connected hands up and down to get his attention.

Sehun looks into the direction his sister is pointing and Baekhyun is across the adjacent street waiting at the crosswalk in front of the convenience store. His breath feels short and his heartbeat speeds up.

“Hey! Baekhyunnie!” Yeri waves her free arm causally.

Heats rises up into his cheeks and his head starts to pound. He quickly breaks away from the sight and pulls Yeri forward.

“Baekhyunnie! Baekhyunnie!” Yeri fanatically waves as she continues to try to get Baekhyun’s attention. Her backpack strap slips in the process.

_Nononono_

Sehun looks over to where he saw Baekhyun last and he can see the older man walk across the crosswalk. His hold on Yeri’s hand tightens when Baekhyun looks over in their direction and waves back, smiling. Sehun pulls Yeri along as he starts a full on jog.

_I can’t see him. I can’t look at him in the face._

Yeri pulls back against Sehun so he’s forced to stop, “Sehunnie, why are like this?”

Sehun looks back at his younger sister frantically and states under his breath, “Yeri.”

Her eyes light up and she waves her free hand as she focuses on something behind him, “Baekhyunnie!”

Sehun turns around and in front of him is his neighbor that he met yesterday.

“Yeri, Sehun, it’s good to see you,” Baekhyun smiles.

Sehun looks away immediately as Yeri breaks their hand lock to walk up to Baekhyun.

“Are you okay? Chanyeollie said you are sick.”

Their neighbor laughs in response to Yeri’s question, “I’m alright, thanks for asking.”

_His laugh is so melodic_

“Are you going to play with us, Baekhyunnie?” Yeri’s voice leaks with excitement.

Sehun peers down, while still avoiding Baekhyun, to give his younger sister a disapproving look.

“Ah, maybe some other time, I’m sure your brother has to do homework and I don’t want to impede.”

_His voice is so smooth and clear._

_Cah-ya-ah_

Sehun can feel himself blush even harder. The desire to cover his face with his hands and run away like a middle school girl who just saw her crush is strong. Except, he doesn’t have crush, he’s just entranced by his neighbor’s voice and how wantonly it sounded two days ago and the innocence of his face despite him being anything but. That’s what it is. He’s _embarrassed._

“Sehun, are you okay?’ His neighbor asks in concern.

Sehun can hear ascending footsteps until he can feel his neighbor close to him. A hand to the bottom of his jaw pulls his attention over from the concrete below him to his neighbor. Another hand touches his forehead. Sehun can see his Baekhyun’s brows furrow and a frown grace his face.

_He’s so pretty._

As quick as the hands touch his face, they leave with the loss of warmth as the only indication they were ever there.

“You don’t have a fever or anything, but your face is really red. Yeri, maybe it’s a good idea for you to go home and so let your brother rest. We can play some other time, okay?” His voice comes out soft and sweet.

_Cah-yah-ah_

Sehun pushes his legs together as he feels himself growing hard. He quickly grabs Yeri’s hand and jogs to the apartment entrance with Yeri waving goodbye all the way.

 “Okay then, we’ll see you later Baekhyunnie!”

 

 

* * *

 

 

 

“Fuck.” Sehun mutters under his breath.

His hands are deep in his pockets as he searches for the key. He drops to his knees and starts digging through his backpack.

“Sehunnie, what’s wrong?” Yeri stands next to him, bending down to peek inside his bag as well.

“I can’t find the key,” Sehun states distractedly.

“Just call mommy, she’ll let us in.”

Sehun switches his focus from his backpack and the current dilemma to his right to stare at his sister when he sees a silhouette approaching from the end of the hall. He starts digging through his bag in earnest after recognizing it to be Baekhyun.

_Shit shit shit._

“Just call mommy.”

“She’s at work starting a new shift, she can’t come home.”

Sehun crosses past his half eaten sandwich from lunch for the umpteenth time when he hears his sister say, “Baekhyunnie! Sehunnie can’t find the key so we can’t go home.”

_Fuck._

“Do you know when she’s going to come back?” Baekhyun asks in worry.

“Sehunnie says late, how late is late?” Yeri questions her brother.

Sehun clears his voice so it doesn’t crack in the clear _embarrassment_ he’s feeling, “…8.”

“8? In four hours?” Baekhyun repeats in disbelief.

“Yes.” Sehun has given up his search for the key because, at this point, he’s certain he left the key on the kitchen counter earlier that morning.

_After she nagged me all throughout breakfast, I still forgot._

“Do you want to stay over at my apartment until your mom comes home?”

“Yes!” Yeri answers cheerfully.

Sehun quickly side eyes his sister and closes his backpack.

_She’s too trusting, mom needs to have a talk with her about trusting strangers so easily. If it wasn’t Baekhyun…_

“Wait, Baekhyunnie, you’re not a bad man who’s going to do bad things to us, right?” Yeri’s question comes off light despite its heavy undertones.

“W-what? No, I would never—!” Baekhyun sputters as he nearly drops his keys at the assumption.

Sehun sighs in response as he stands while holding his backpack in front of him to hide the small tent in his slacks. When Baekhyun opens the door and Yeri clambers inside, Sehun sees a familiar face with uniform like his at the end of the hallway.

 

 

 

* * *

 

 

 

Sehun breathes a sigh of relief. As soon as they entered the apartment, which is similar to his in size but different in style, he stuttered about needing to use the bathroom and left as soon as possible. In haste, Sehun brought his backpack along with him which is now slumped next to the toilet, which he’s sitting on.

_I’ll just stay in here for the entire time. I don’t think Baekhyun is like that but if Yeri screams, I’ll run away with her to the convenience store. She’s safe out there with him and I’m safe in here from him._

Sehun takes a deep breath in the effort to calm his ever unrelenting hard on. He tries to envision the old couple that used to live on his street naked, even going as far to imagine them having sex to help deflate his eager member to no avail.

_Why am I like this? Is it because of what happened two days ago that makes me react like this every time I hear his voice? That’s what it is, right? A stimulus. I’m not embarrassed._

Sehun inwardly nods at his conclusion. From his position on the toilet, he can see his face in the mirror above the counter. Baekhyun was right about his face, not only is it red, he looks like death; pale face, sunken eyes, and disheveled hair. His eyes travel from the miscellaneous items on the counter until he stops at a cup with two toothbrushes in it. One of which is probably Baekhyun’s toothbrush, that was in his mouth, that morning.

_Cah-ya-ah_

His face heats up and his member throbs between his legs.

_Why is this turning me on?_

He grabs his cellphone out of his backpack and quickly dials his mom’s number for an impromptu distraction. It rings a few times before a voice picks up.

“Did you and your sister get into the apartment okay?” His mother’s voice bleeds with exhaustion.

“You actually picked up…” Sehun states in disbelief.

_I was planning on leaving a voice message._

“Sehun.”

“Uh, no, so we—” Sehun stumbles over his words as he tries to figure out a viable excuse.

_I should have thought of one before I called._

“—So where are you? I told you—!” Sehun can hear the panic in his mother’s voice.

“—Baekhyun let us stay over.”

“—I’m on break so I could leave for a—wait what? So you’re over his apartment?”

Sehun sighs, “Yes.”

_Yeri was right, I should have called her to see if she could let us in._

“At least you’re safe. I’ll have to thank him when I get off. Make sure you thank him and Chanyeol properly for the food yesterday. I have to go, see you soon. Tell Yeri I said hi.”

“—Mom!”

Sehun stares at his cellphone when the line goes dead.

_She hung up._

_And she’s too trusting._

 

Sehun sighs for the umpteenth time that day and looks down at the tent in his uniform pants.

_I can’t leave myself like this._

His hands twitch at the possibility of touching himself in Baekhyun’s apartment, in his bathroom where he could knock and walk in at any moment. He takes a deep breath before he unbuckles his belt and pulls down his pants. He sits up on the toilet seat to tug his boxers down so his cock can spring free.

_I have to do this as fast as possible._

He closes a fist around his erection and starts to pump. His mouth falls open with a sigh of relief.

“…Shit.” He breathes lightly as he increases his pace.

His eyes flutter close as he bits his lips to keep his noises to a minimum. Behind his eyelids, he envisions thick thighs attached to a plump ass. This mysterious person is on a bed, legs wide open and arms stretched wide.

_“Sehun.”_

His free hand that was gripping the edge of the toilet bowl flies to his mouth to mute the moan that spills from his lips.

_“Sehun.”_

Their voice is fragrant and light which encompasses him in a blanket of warmth. His hand is slick with the leaking precum which makes the slide of skin against skin easier and more audible.

_“Sehun, are you okay?”_

The familiarity of the voice spurs him on which causes his lower stomach to tighten. He opens his eyes briefly and gazes at his reflection in the mirror. His stare strays from himself and lingers onto the cup of toothbrushes.

_Baekhyun._

His climax hits him hard as he cums into his hand. Once the course of pleasure ceases in his limbs, his head falls back. A knock at the door breaks him from his haze and he pulls at the roll of toilet paper in a rush to clean himself up.

“Sehun, are you okay? You’ve been in there for a while…”

_It’s Baekhyun._

“Uh, I’m okay, I’ll be right out!” Sehun’s voice cracks in panic.

“Okay, I just wanted to check. I’m making instant noodles for your sister and I wanted to ask if you wanted some. I’m sorry that I can’t cook like Chanyeol, I’m the type to burn water, so I hope this is okay,” Baekhyun chuckles out.

_Don’t make small talk. Don’t talk, I don’t want to hear your voice._

“S-sure.” Sehun croaks out.

“Okay! It’ll be done soon!”

_Fuck fuck fuck—!_

~~And I still don’t how to write endings (or write in general)~~ I’m late, _again_. I didn’t want to take a week to write this but that’s what happened.

I hope the minor philosophical interlude that Sehun had wasn’t too confusing (it’s a mess just like this story and my life). I wanted to convey his feelings of security with his new lifestyle (IK it’s only been like two days but ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯) where he acknowledges that his life is shitter than before when it comes to his new environment, but at his former home, his bubble of delusion was shattered (with his dad cheating and what not so they weren’t a happy family like he and everyone else once thought) but at the new apartment, his expectations are so low where the same (delusional happy bubble ~~nice description)~~ can’t be shattered again. In essence, Sehun has a problem with change and he’s going about it the wrong way. ~~Cringed so bad writing the last scene I feel you I was going to leave it out but Sehun needs to _finally_ make a connection between his attraction to Baek and it’ll be hard to explain what exactly he did through Baekhyun’s pov next chapter I’m sorry I didn’t try. More deets about Chanyeol’s visit over the Oh’s coming up~~

Bye


	4. Cold Noodles

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sehun still can't get over himself, Yeri is an innocent and Baekhyun realizes something that he buried still exists.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm getting better at this (kinda). I have a love/hate relationship with this chapter and you might too.  
> It gets deep (what am I doing with myself, I like writing comedy but here I am writing angst because I like pain) Don't hate me for the end, I wanted to "add it in" but it would have made it awkward and Idt it would have fit well (I don't want to throw unnecessary scenes like that, at least not into a chapter like this, there will be many more 'scenes' like 'what i wanted to add' in the future)
> 
> Unbetaed

“Yeri, it’s done!” Baekhyun announces while placing the hot cup in front of the young girl.

The kindergartener replies, “Thanks Baekhyunnie!” with a wide smile and moves to stuff her coloring sheets back into her backpack.

Baekhyun gives Yeri a fork and places the second cup of instant noodles and a set of chopsticks to her left and takes the seat to her right.

“Is Sehunnie okay? He’s been in the toilet for a while.” Yeri picks up her fork and collects a decent amount of the cheap noodle around the utensil before engulfing it in one bite.

“Yeah, he said he’ll be out soon. Maybe he ate something bad,” Baekhyun comments distractedly.

Baekhyun’s eyes follow Yeri’s enthusiastic head nod and how the ends of her hair bounce at the action. He couldn’t shake the growing discomfort festering within himself. He felt it when he first met her and he felt again when he ran into the duo earlier that day. Yeri acts like any other child, yet, he can’t comprehend the uneasiness that creeps up every time he sees her. Or rather, the remorse and longing that builds inside himself. It’s as if he tittering on the edge of realizing something. Whenever he sees her, his chest hurts with a dull spasm that strengthens and sharpens with every interaction. His body’s immediate response to this trigger, must be a warning, but to what, he can’t fathom. 

 

 

 

 

_She practically idolizes me and yet, I’m like this._

_I’m afraid of her._

Feelings from the past begin to resurface from the innocence that bleeds from her every movement. Her brash technique of holding the fork overhand and the subsequent loud slurps brings forth a flood of shattered memories and feelings he lost touch with. Its sharp edges penetrate and opens a wound he didn’t know still existed. The memory will forever be there but the ache that manifests with each ongoing second should have faded away with time.

 

 

Unless it never healed.

 

 

“Baekhyunnie, are you sick again?”

Her underdeveloped voice breaks him out of his brief trance.

“Ah…I just zoned out for a bit.”

“Did you have a good dream?”

“Dream?” His voice cracks at the near absurdity.

Yeri nods eagerly and sets her fork on the table, “Mommy says your mind can go to sleep and dream while you’re still awake. She says it happens when you really want something. In class today, I was sleeping but I was awake, and I had a dream about my old house. So that means I want to go back there.”

 

 

 

_What do I want?_

 

At that moment, Sehun returns from the bathroom with his head lowered, dragging his backpack on the floor.

“Sehunnie! You’re back! Do you feel better? Were you sick?” Yeri’s concern for her older brother is present in her voice.

Sehun pads over to the table silently and sits to Yeri’s left, which is across from Baekhyun’s seat.

“Sehun, you shouldn’t ignore your sister.” Baekhyun tries when Sehun doesn’t respond.

Sehun picks up the pair of chopsticks and stirs the cold noodles. The trio sits in silence for a few moments before Baekhyun stands, “I’ll be right back, I’m going to make a phone call.”

Yeri nods lightly and continues to frown at her brother. Baekhyun maneuvers around the table and walks into the hallway Sehun appeared from. Once he reaches his bedroom door, he pulls his phone out of his pocket and clicks on the contact “ _Yodallie.”_ It rings a few times before he can hear the line pick up.

“Chanyeol.”

The sound of pans clanking and food sizzling fade before his boyfriend speaks.

“Baekhyunnie, I’m taking a double shift today so I won’t be back until late.” Chanyeol pants out wearily.

Baekhyun takes a deep breath, “How late is late?”

“…Closing time.”

“…When do you go to work tomorrow? The same shift?” Baekhyun questions quietly, already knowing the answer.

From the other line, Baekhyun can hear Chanyeol open his mouth to speak then suck his cheek in with a click. He recognizes the hesitation in his boyfriend’s lack of a reply, which confirms his suspicions, and grimaces, “Ch—”

“—I know. You don’t have to say it.”

There a silence between the two. Baekhyun leans his back against the door and stares off in the semi darkness. His lips part to say something, anything, at least a goodbye to end the awkward phone call but he can’t find his voice.

“Was there something you wanted to say to me? T-that’s why you called right?” Chanyeol stutters out the question, probably in an attempt to save a conversation he ruined.

_I shouldn’t have called._

“…I wanted to tell you that the neighbors were over,” _And I wanted your help_ “but you’re not coming home for a while…” Baekhyun trails off which leads to another bout of silence.

“I’m sorry, Ba—”

“—I know. You don’t have to say it.” Baekhyun spits back.

_You say you’re sorry but you never change._

The quiet lingers between the two. Baekhyun shifts from foot to foot and pushes himself off from the door. When he opens his mouth to speak, Chanyeol cuts in, “I love you Baekhyunnie, you know that right?”

Taken aback at the question, Baekhyun gives a soft, “hmm” in reply.

“…Do you still love me? You didn’t say it back.” Chanyeol’s voice rasps in uncertainty.

_If I didn’t, I wouldn’t be putting myself through this._

“Yes.”

A long pause follows his reply.

“Okay, I have to go, I’ll see you at home,” Chanyeol’s response is forced and curt.

Baekhyun nods, “Okay.”

There’s another silence before Chanyeol gives a goodbye and hangs up the phone. Baekhyun’s hand drops to his side once the call ends.  

 

 

 

* * *

 

 

 

 

Baekhyun silently walks back into the open area of the apartment and sees Yeri and Sehun still at the table. Once he reaches the small dining table, he reclaims his previous seat.

“Yeri,” Baekhyun voice is even despite his inner turmoil.

When the young girl looks over from her brother, who is still stirring the cold noodles, the growing ache in his chest turns sharp when their eyes meet.

“Yes?” Her voice is smooth and lacks the excitement she exuded earlier in the day.

“Has he…?” Baekhyun trails off and gestures over with his head in Sehun’s direction.

She nods cutely and drags her attention back to her brother.

The atmosphere between the three is awkward before Sehun mumbles something unexpectedly.

“I’m sorry?” Baekhyun tries in an effort to lighten up the mood.

Sehun clears his throat and repeats, “Mom says thanks for yesterday, and for the beef noodles.” All the while, still stirring the noodles and avoiding eye contact.

_Oh._

“That was all Chanyeol, but I’ll pass it on to him.”

“Where is Chanyeollie?” Yeri resumes her attention back to Baekhyun.

“He’s at work.” Baekhyun states with a smile, one he knows is forced _._

At Yeri’s nod, Baekhyun can feel himself being watched. He takes a brief look across the table where Sehun and himself share a passing glance before Sehun looks down at his lap. Baekhyun saw the apparent frown on his face and the heaviness of judging eyes glare at him.

_Did he see through me?_

“When does he come back?” Yeri’s question pulls Baekhyun out of his inner thoughts and he looks to his left to see the young girl staring at him expectantly.

“Late, so you probably won’t see him today.”

“I really want to see him, he said he’ll play games with me next time.” Yeri stares down at her hands after her confession.

Baekhyun studies the girl next to him thoughtfully. His lips form in a tight line as he tries to keep himself together. Despite their age gap, he finds himself able to relate to the kindergartener.

_I do too._

“But—” She pauses for a moment before continuing “—I know we will. He promised me.”

_He’s promised me a lots of things, most of which, he didn’t keep._

“He also said other promises yesterday,” Her tone perks up at this notion.

“What things did he say?” Curiosity getting the best of him, he leans forward in his seat.

“He promised to bring you with him next time, but he couldn’t this time because you were sick. But you’re better now, so the next time will be soon.”

Their eyes meet and the ache shoots back up, however, when Yeri turns back to her brother to get some type of a response out of him, there is a loss. Where it hurts, its empty. A yearning, a want, a desire, a wish, a fear, a memory, pain then a remorse. The wound is open and there’s nothing inside.

 

_Why am I like this?_

_Why is this coming back?_

“Baekhyunnie, can I watch TV?” Yeri turns from her brother after he waved her off and turns her attention back to Baekhyun.

“Oh, uh, sure, I’ll set it up for you.” He gives her a smile, one that is just a shell of what it used to be. When he stands to walk over to the living room, the feeling of being watched resurfaces.

 

 

 

* * *

 

 

 

Baekhyun wakes slowly. There’s a ringing, and when it stops, there’s a murmur. As he fades back into consciousness, he realizes there’s a weight on his lap. The room is dark with the glare from the TV as the only light source.

“Yeri, mom’s outside, get up.”

_Sehun?_

The mass on his lap stirs and moves to sit forward. He blinks to help get his eyes adjusted to the darkness and he sees Yeri scoot forward and stand up. His hands move to stroke his midsection with the loss of heat. His eyes are open but the scene that flickers in front of his eyes, isn’t the scene unraveling before him.

“Don’t forget your backpack.”

“I know.”

 

 

 

_Baekhyun_

_Baekhyun_

“Baekhyunnie! Are you okay?”

A hand on his shoulder brings him back from the recesses of his mind. He looks to his right and Yeri is standing there with her backpack on her back.

“Can you open the door for us?”

“Oh, um, yeah.” His voice is soft and distant.

As he moves to get up, Yeri asks with a yawn, “Did you have a dream while your awake? Your eyes were open but you didn’t say anything when me and Sehunnie called for you. Was it a good dream?”

He nods lightly and moves towards the door.

“What was it about? What do you want?” Her voice is laced with sleep and muted but the question itself is profound.

“Yeri, stop bothering him.” Sehun moves behind Baekhyun as the latter unlocks the door and swings it open.

Baekhyun is met with the oldest of three Oh’s in the doorway.

Immediately, she bows and apologizes, “I’m sorry that all this happened, I told Sehun to take the key and he didn’t take it and—”

He shakes his head, “—You don’t have to explain. I’m happy that I could help.”

She nods at his answer and she smiles at him, however, her face drops when their eyes meet.

She reaches an arm out and asks softly, “Are you okay?”

Before he has time to speak, Yeri rushes forward and hugs her mother’s legs, “Mommy, you’re here!”

The oldest Oh brightens considerably when she bends down to pick up her daughter.

“I am. Did you have fun?”

Yeri nods and points behind Baekhyun to where Sehun is standing, “Yeah, but Sehunnie was mean.”

He scoffs in response.

Baekhyun moves to the side so Sehun can join the rest of his family at the threshold. He slips on his shoes and reaches to grab Yeri’s.

“Baekhyun, thank you again for this. I want to it make up to you in the future. And thanks for yesterday, the move has been hard for all of us and I appreciate you and Chanyeol’s support. Is he here? I want to thank him in person too.” She gives Baekhyun another smile.

“Ah, he’s still at work but I’ll pass the message on to him,” Baekhyun chuckles to try to regain some type of normalcy.

From the corner of his eye, he can see Sehun give him a pointed look, and the older woman’s face in front of him, falls slightly.

“Okay, just so you know, if you need anything, we’re just a knock away.” She gives one last smile and leaves.

Baekhyun exhales a breath once the door is shut and he is physically cut off from the world outside his apartment. He moves back to the couch to sit down and stares into the darkness. The hum of the TV is the only sound that could be heard. Heat wells up in his cheeks and his head begins to hurt. His breath feels short and the throbs intensify in his chest, his eyes sting with prospect tears but he refuses to let them fall. The foundation is cracked but it’s not broken. The wound that was once closed off is open, but it does not bleed. For there is nothing but desolation. He leans his head on the back of the couch and gropes for his phone in his pocket. The light from the screen shrouds his face with a luminosity that can’t fill the darkness in his eyes. He scrolls through his contacts and finds “ _Yodallie.”_ His fingertip lingers above the phone icon before clicking it. Unlike before, it rings and eventually gets sent to voice mail. The cheerful tone in his boyfriend’s voice is what allows the first tear to fall and the memory of when he made that voice mail is when he drops the phone.

 

 

 

* * *

 

 

 

The sound of the door unlocking interrupts the quiet Baekhyun was sitting in. He finishes and sends his text message and slips his phone back into his pocket. There’s a shuffle and a following clack. In an instant, light fills the room with the touch of a switch. The light that invades his eyes after sitting in near darkness makes his eyes sting. After they adjust, he looks off in the direction of the kitchen and sees Chanyeol slug in with a bag in his hand. He places the bag on the counter and starts to take containers out of it.

“Chanyeol.” Baekhyun calls softly. From his position on the couch, he can see his boyfriend jump.

“B-Baekhyun, I, uh didn’t know you were still awake.” Chanyeol stutters out an explanation and turns back to the counter, showing his back to Baekhyun.

“Chanyeol, I really want to talk to you about something.” Baekhyun stands and maneuvers his way to the kitchen.

“Mom made us some dishes. She said there was some extra rice and cooked vegetables during the late shift so she put this together for us.” Chanyeol opens the fridge and places the four containers in the middle row and closes the door. He stands still, back facing Baekhyun.

“Chanyeol, please look at me,” his voice is quiet and uncharacteristically calm.

“Baek—” A dainty hand on Chanyeol’s bicep causes him to turn around and face his boyfriend.

“Chanyeol, I don’t want to fight anymore. I miss you, I miss you a lot.” Baekhyun studies Chanyeol’s face and he can see how swollen and red his face is.

_Was he crying?_

“Did you get my call?” His grip on Chanyeol’s bicep tightens.

“You called me again? My phone died a few hours ago so I didn’t get it.” Chanyeol returns Baekhyun’s gaze and breaks it once he finishes his sentence.

_But it rung._

_Are you avoiding me?_

“Why are you avoiding me, Chanyeol?” The man in question sputters and locks eyes with his boyfriend again.

“I-I’m not! It’s just…”

Baekhyun walks forward until their chests are nearly touching, “What is it? Tell me.”

Chanyeol looks around the room as if he’ll find an answer in the corners of his apartment until his line of vision lands on Baekhyun again. When their eyes meet once more, his eyes widen a fraction and his mouth falls open in surprise.

“Baekhyunnie, did something happen when I was gone?”

_Yes._

“Why are you evading my questions? I just…I just want to go back to the way we were and we can’t do that if we’re harboring negative feelings for each other.” The hand that was on Chanyeol’s bicep snakes up to the side of face, cradling his cheek.

“Baek—”

“—Why were you crying?”

Chanyeol freezes at the question and stares at his boyfriend’s face in shock.

“W-why do you look like that?” Chanyeol counters.

Baekhyun twists his face in confusion and the hand on Chanyeol’s cheek falls to the black hoodie he is wearing, “Look like what?”

“Like—” Chanyeol blinks a few times as he searches for the correct word.

“—I’m lonely.” Baekhyun finishes Chanyeol’s statement with a despondent voice.

Chanyeol remains quiet as Baekhyun’s confession sinks in. His eye dart to different parts of Baekhyun’s face in the process.

“Why were you crying, Chanyeol?” Baekhyun takes a step forward where their chests are touching. He wraps his arms around Chanyeol’s torso.

“Because…I was upset that—I was afraid that, maybe, you didn’t want to be with me anymore. I know that I’m working a lot right now but, with one paycheck, it’s hard, especially with—”

“—I’ll get a job. The supermarket up the street might rehire me, if not I’ll—”

 _“_ —It hasn’t even been six months,” Chanyeol cuts in with an intensity born of rehashed feelings, however, as soon as the comment leaves his mouth, regret instantly appears on his face.

“Baekhyunnie, I didn’t mean it like—”

Baekhyun becomes quiet at Chanyeol’s comment. His arms around his boyfriend’s torso tightens and he pushes himself even further into him.

Chanyeol gasps at their close proximity, “Baekhyunnie, why are you like this? What happened? Your eyes, they’re so—”

_Empty?_

 “— dark. You can tell me what happened, I can...” Chanyeol’s voice is heavy and thick due to his fatigue.

_I’m scared to be alone with my thoughts._

_I’m scared of myself._

Baekhyun buries his head in Chanyeol’s hoodie, “Chanyeollie, I really want to make up.”

“Baekhyun, what happened?” Chanyeol grabs Baekhyun’s shoulders to try to pry him off himself enough so he can see his face; Baekhyun shakes his head in response.

“I decided that I didn’t want to fight anymore, so now we’re not,” Baekhyun muffles into the black hoodie, “let’s make up.”

Baekhyun removes his face from the hoodie and looks up at Chanyeol. He can see his large eyes that are swollen from his tears and exhaustion, his cheeks are red and his lips are plump. Baekhyun removes his hands from Chanyeol’s waist and grabs his boyfriend’s face. He stands on his toes so their lips can connect.

“Baekhyunnie, what are you doing?” Chanyeol’s voice comes out as a whisper.

“Making up with you.”

Because of their height difference, Baekhyun can only go so far, and as a result, he falls short, “Chanyeollie, why won’t you—”

“—Because you’re not okay! I can’t—”

_Don’t leave me like this._

 “—Keep me company. Please.” Baekhyun’s voice is soft in his plea. His slender fingers slowly rub the sides of Chanyeol’s face.

_I don’t want to feel alone._

Chanyeol’s face softens, “…Baekhyunnie, I—we don’t have to—”

“—but I want to.”

_Make me forget._

Baekhyun moves his head to the side and tries to reach for Chanyeol again, “And I know you want to; I want to make up so we can go back,” _before December_ “to how we were.”

_WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOWZA._ _~~I have no idea what this is, it took a strange left. I’m getting better at endings. I was going to include more but I felt like it’ll be overkill. I gotta throw Sehun’s plot into further motion now that Chanbaek’s have started. (It’s really hard to imply something enough where you’ll get it but not enough where it’ll be THERE IT IS. If you think then it is.~~ _

_Anyway, who was that teacher helper person from the previous chapter? Who did Sehun see in the hallway of his apartment? When will he_ _finally_ _go to the counseling office and talk about his problems? Why did  he feel oddly protective of Baek despite wanking off to him (subconsciously) in this chapter. Whenn will Sehun connect the dots??? Who did Baek text before he got all weird?????_

_Find this out and more, next time on, Cookie Cuddler can’t write ~~for shit~~!!!!!111_

_See you (*•̀ᴗ•́*)_ _و_ _̑̑_


	5. Scribble

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sehun STILL can't get over himself but is a step closer to accepting the truth, BaekSoo, Yeri is an angry baby, and garbage shoots.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's me, Cookie Cuddler, this update is short(er). I try to aim for at least 3000 words but I hit 2500 so it's close enough. I'm hella frustrated with Sehun and you probably will be too. I hope the beginning isn't confusing (I rewrote it so many times (▰˘︹˘▰) basically it's (SPOILER) him reflecting on the day before and him realizing some things about himself (it's the year of realizing)). 
> 
> I hate this chapter
> 
>  
> 
> UnBetaed

Sehun drags his pencil against the empty notebook page with leisure. The graphite scrapes against the paper with illogical lines and strokes, creating chaos on the once blank page. His teacher’s lesson flows through one ear and out the other as yesterday’s events cloud his mind. His visit to his next door neighbors’ apartment was as hellish as he thought it would be, and then some. The idea of being in close contact with Baekhyun terrified him, even more so when he lost all discretion while Baekhyun was on the other side of the door. When he returned from the bathroom, he couldn’t talk, let alone look at him. The instant noodles that sat on the table next to a pair of chopsticks only fueled his guilt and self-deprecation. He feelings became even more complicated when Baekhyun left to call Chanyeol. His snappy replies and the silence that followed worried Sehun. The look on Baekhyun’s face before he masked it with a smile and entered the room bothered him. Which led Sehun to another dilemma on top of his growing sexual attraction for his neighbor; what is the nature of his neighbors’ relationship and why does it affect him as much as it does?  

Despite his neighbors’ erratic behavior with each other earlier that day, Sehun swore he overheard the two having sex, _again._ After completing his homework and settling into bed, he heard rhythmic thuds coming from their shared wall. Like the first night, he ended up masturbating again, but when he tugged his boxers down, for a fleeting moment, he felt fear, sharp and direct. Never in his wild fantasies did he predict he would masturbate to his neighbors not just once, but twice, (three times if you count the incident in the bathroom) and if given the opportunity, would do it again. The consistency that he thrived on within himself dwindled, to where he is shocked by his own actions.

The world he now resides in is bleak, and forever will be bleak; its consistent. Unlike his old home where everything appeared bright and perfect, this apartment is not. His new neighbors aren’t blissfully in love and sharing their elderly years together by gardening or bike riding liked the old couple on his street, they are extremely dysfunctional. His mother is no longer the perfect housewife who cooked meals every day and was adored by her husband, she’s the broken down, naïve mother who went from watching day time television all day to being the primary breadwinner. Before he moved, Sehun considered himself constant, did the same things every day, felt the same things every day, he was secure. But ever since that night when he first masturbated to Baekhyun’s cries of pleasure, his sense of regularity shifted, and it continues to shift more and more every day.

_But why him? What does Baekhyun mean to me and how do I really feel about him?_

Sehun lays his pencil flat against his notebook at the ambiguity of his feelings toward Baekhyun. He’s attracted to his voice as well as his more feminine attributes, but that doesn’t make him gay, right? What he feels for his neighbor isn’t because he’s man, but for other factors that are normally associated with girls, so he’s not necessarily attracted to men in general, just the characteristics he finds aesthetically pleasing? (A/N: jfc sehun it’s right there) But he can’t define Baekhyun as someone platonic either. Friends don’t touch themselves when the other has sex with their boyfriend. Friends don’t jack off in their friend’s bathroom while thinking about their voice. Friends do care and support one another, which is something he wants to do, but they don’t turn around and masturbate to them, again, despite sensing their emotional turmoil.

Sehun frowns at his inability to find a direct answer. His desire to protect Baekhyun continues to throw him further into a state of confusion. Yesterday’s scene in front of the television as a prime example. After Yeri got up to put on her backpack, the look on Baekhyun’s face was one he hasn’t seen before. Throughout their awkward dinner, Baekhyun masked his pain with a smile but when he was frozen on the floor, he looked vulnerable, unguarded, and unconfined. In that moment, Sehun saw another side, a true side other than the real smiley Baekhyun from three days ago. He was there, but at the same time, he wasn’t. Sehun felt terrified for him, and no matter how much he hated to admit it, it bothered him that he left Baekhyun like that alone. He wanted to stay and shield him from whatever force initiated that reaction out of him.

“—Oh Sehun,” Sehun’s head perks up when his name is called, “you’ll be paired up with Huang Zitao for our next project,” Sehun’s Biology teacher, Mrs. Jung, states this to the entire class before moving to the next pair of names.

At a loss for the current happenings in the classroom, Sehun looks over toward Jackson and he points to the back right corner of the classroom. Sehun nods in thanks and turns around to glance at his science partner and Zitao nods in his direction. He recognizes him as the student with the teacher’s aide the day before. He couldn’t help but stare at Zitao’s backpack when the black leather style looked familiar. When he turns his attention back to his desk, the scribbles on his notebook resemble hearts.

 

 

* * *

 

 

“Sehun, you really need to get your shit together. Ever since the semester started you’ve been so weird,” Jackson drawls on behind Sehun as he follows him out the door.

“Why are you following me? Don’t you have a club meeting today?” Sehun dodges the question and pulls out his phone to check the time.

“I do and I’m going, but stop deflecting my questions! I’m serious. You fell asleep in Algebra, you spaced out in Biology—”

“—When is that project due anyway?” Sehun stops his stride and turns around to face Jackson.

“It’s on the worksheet Mrs. Jung passed out, you didn’t read it?”

“Clearly.”

Jackson sighs, “I feel bad your partner.”

“I feel the same way about yours.” Sehun spins on his heel and continues his trek down the hall.

Sehun can hear Jackson shout, “That’s the Sehunnie we all know and love!” down the hall and rolls his eyes in response. Once he turns the corner, Sehun switches to a light jog towards the exit. When he checked the time on his phone, he realized he was running late picking Yeri up from school, and knowing her, she’ll probably walk to their old home or take the bus on accident. As he reaches the last corridor, he runs into his math teacher, Mr. Lee.

“Ah, Sehun, it’s good I ran into you, I wanted to speak to you. I noticed that you fell asleep again in my class, so I took the liberty of speaking with the school’s counselor for you. He said he’s available for consultations, before and after school, then during lunch if you don’t have a free period.”

“Thanks Mr. Lee but I—”

“—I’m only doing this because I want you to do well.” His voice drops down an octave, “You see, you remind me a lot of myself when I was around your age. My home life wasn’t the best and I lost my way. I wished I had a someone who could have helped me out of the lifestyle I fell into so I decided to be that person—”

“—I have to—”

“—I don’t want to keep you any longer but, it’s okay. Whatever it is and whatever happens, remember that it’s okay to feel weak sometimes. You probably think that piece of advice is random but it’s something that took me years to discover and believe. If I knew about it before, I could have saved myself a substantial amount of trouble in my youth.” Mr. Lee chuckles then pats Sehun on his shoulder and continues down the corridor.

_What was..._

Sehun stands in disbelief for a few moments before continuing his trek down the hall. Right in front of the doors, he spots his science partner, Zitao, and the teacher’s aide from before. Not to seem rude, in passing, Sehun nods in Zitao’s direction which in turn he nods back, but when he goes to do the same with the aide, he freezes. The older man smiles at him and opens the door for Sehun.

“Be careful.”

Sehun nods dumbly and jogs out of the school with a red face.

_He’s pretty too._

 

 

* * *

 

 

 

“Yeri, what type of candy do you want?”

“…I don’t know.” Yeri frowns at the selection of sweets.

“If you don’t pick soon, we’re leaving,” Sehun knew the threat was empty but they have been in the candy aisle of the convenience store for almost 10 minutes and the lady working behind counter keeps sending them dirty looks so he feels intimidated.

“If we leave, I’m telling mommy you were late picking me up so cried,” Yeri speaks the threat in a monotonous tone, but unlike his, hers is real.

Sehun scowls and crosses his arms in annoyance.

While it is true that he was late picking her up from school and she cried, but when he approached Yeri, her teacher pulled him aside and told him that Yeri was in a foul mood the entire day. Apparently, as soon as the day ended and she dismissed her class, Yeri started crying and was inconsolable. Which is bizarre because the day before she was fine, elated when she got to spend time with Baekhyun. When he tried to pry, she remained silent. She only responded when he asked if she wanted a candy bar before going home.

Somewhere behind them, Sehun can hear voices, one he can’t recognize and another that haunted him for the past four days. His heart speeds up and his palms sweat at the indication that he could run into Baekhyun again, for the third day in a row. He’s actually excited and that in itself is terrifying.

_I just want to see if he’s okay, that’s all._

“You have to talk to him.” The voice of the unknown person is deeper than Baekhyun’s, but not as deep as Chanyeol’s.

“I told you that I will.” Sehun had to strain his ears hear what he said but he can conclude that it is indeed Baekhyun.

 

Baekhyun.

 

“Yeri, hurry up!” Sehun whispers harshly to his sister, eyes wide and face red. His entire deposition screams panic, and it doesn’t help that the lady behind the counter sends him another dirty look.

In response, Yeri glares back at her brother and reaches for a candy bar and then retracts her hand before doing it again.

_She’s fucking with me._

“You’re lying.” The deep voice sounds closer than before.  

“Kyungsoo I…” Baekhyun trails off when he and his companion, enter the same aisle as Sehun and Yeri.

Sehun doesn’t miss Baekhyun’s anxious glance toward Yeri before tearing his attention away.

“Ah, i-it’s good to see you two again,” Baekhyun’s smile is small and muted. He gestures to the man standing next to him, “and this is my friend Kyungsoo. Kyungsoo these are my neighbors from next door.”

The man with owlish eyes, also known as Kyungsoo, greets Sehun and Yeri with a smile, “It’s nice to meet you.”

Sehun nods at Kyungsoo and avoids eye contact with Baekhyun besides from a glance here and there.

“It must be fate that I ran into guys again. Kyungsoo, would you believe today is the third day in a row that I’ve seen them? I haven’t connected with any of my other neighbors like this, they must be special,” At his statement, Baekhyun turns from Sehun to Kyungsoo, without giving the youngest a second glance.

Heat rises in Sehun’s cheeks at the notion of ‘being special,’ and ‘not like his other neighbors.’ It makes him feel warm inside and he isn’t sure what he should do about it.

Yeri reaches and picks a generic candy bar and states blankly, “I’m done, Sehunnie.” She calmly walks towards the counter, in the other direction of Baekhyun and Kyungsoo without acknowledging either of them.

When Sehun goes to apologize, his and Baekhyun’s eyes meet, Sehun blushes even more than before and quickly breaks the contact, “I-it was nice to meet you, s-sorry about my sister, she’s in a bad mood today,” and rushes off toward the counter.

 

 

* * *

 

 

Sehun sighs as he disposes the last bag of garbage through the garbage shoot. He starts his walk down the long hallway back to his room when a door opens beside him suddenly. In the doorway, he recognizes the person as his science project partner, Zitao, holding a small bag.

“Y-you live here, on the same floor as me?” Sehun stutters in disbelief.

Zitao gives Sehun a blank stare, “Clearly. You moved in earlier this week right?”

“You knew that we lived in the same complex?”

“…Yeah, I’ve seen you walk around the halls before and we have the same uniform,” Zitao closes the door behind him and maneuvers around Sehun to get to the garbage shoot.

“And we’re in the same class and we’re partners for a project?” Sehun follows Zitao.

“You know, when I first saw you, I never pictured you as a spaz.”

Sehun stops his trek and his face heats up in embarrassment. He puts his hands on his face as he, once again, done something that was very unlike him.

_I’m not a spaz…_

Zitao dumps the bag in the shoot and turns to face Sehun, “I like it.”

Sehun remains speechless as Zitao walks towards him, “We should be friends, Sehun, it’s destiny. The Gods wanted us to meet and made sure to exercise each and every mode so we could be together,” for a dramatic effect, Zitao looks up towards the ceiling with a hand in the air.

_You make it sound like we’re fated lovers or something._

“…You’re really dramatic, you know that?” Sehun jests. He breaks out in a smile when Zitao turns around with wide eyes like it is brand new information to him. Sehun continues, “You know, when I first saw you, I never pictured you as a spaz.”

Zitao smirks as the same words he spit out only a few minutes ago are spat back him, “You know, _project partner_ , we never came up with a game plan for our project. It’s due in the next few weeks, so we should probably start it soon.”

Sehun looks up in thought before speaking, “My mom only works mornings on the weekends so Saturday or Sunday work fine for me, as long as it’s after two.”

“My birthday is on Saturday and Kris has ‘plans’ so Sunday.”

“Time?”

Zitao shrugs his shoulders, “Let’s meet out in the hallway at 2:30 and go from there.”

Sehun nods in agreement, “Okay, well, I’ll see you in class, _project partner_ ,” he waves and walks back to his apartment. Right before he opens his door he hears Zitao say, “See you in class star-crossed friend!”

Sehun smiles to himself and turns around to see Zitao standing in his own doorway as well, “You know, when I first met you, I never predicted you to be the sentimental type. I like it.” Sehun can see Zitao brush pretend to dust off his shoulder and close the door.

_Maybe it is destiny._

 

 

WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOZA Would you BELIEVE it took me TWO WHOLE DAYS to write the first scene? (I’m slow). I lied about the an introduction for the teacher’s aide (it’s pretty obvious who it is right?) and Mr. Lee’s random ass advice in the middle of the scene (remember his words, “it took me years to discover (it’s okay to feel weak at times) and to believe”) Baekhyun is a mess, Yeri is also a mess (it was kinda ~~not really~~ hinted in the previous chapter) Sehun is surprisingly not as much of a mess as the rest of the cast (He’s too busy in his “I don’t like him but I like him but I don’t like him” phase ~~denial~~ to really pay them any mind) but still a mess. Since he has such an issue with change, I figured it would take him a bit to finally realize (or at least accept) that what he is feeling IS what he is feeling. (it’s the year of realizing)

 

See you (*•̀ᴗ•́*) و ̑̑

 

If you haven't already, check out my one shot, "[Infect Me With Your Loving and Fill Me With Your Poison](http://archiveofourown.org/works/7690738)." It's crazy AF (it's comedy and that's about all I know how to do, I'm in the wrong genre rn)

 


	6. Mac and Cheese

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sehun catches his mom being emotional, ChanBaek, and Yeri is a sad baby.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> BACK AT IT WITH THE FOOD MOTIFS!!!!! Anyway it's me, I'm dying (my head hurts and its in my eye so I"m getting a migraine most likely) BUT I'M FRESH WITH A NEW UPDATE. Everything is kind of nice here, kind of, emphasis on the 'of.' 
> 
> and for this chapter all I have to say, "is everything okay? is it REALLY okay?"
> 
> *finger guns*
> 
> Unbetaed

Sehun opens the door from the bathroom and walks out into the dark hallway. He creeps across the hall to return to his room when the light from the kitchen, which partially illuminates the gloomy hallway, is switched on. His head automatically turns in the direction of the light source.

_Why is Mom up so late? She has to start her weekend shift tomorrow._

He reaches for the doorknob to his bedroom but the sound of his mother’s voice interrupts him.

“I need to have a conversation with you.”

_She’s on the phone._

Sehun remains still with his hand on the doorknob.

“How long are you going to keep the house? I have the kids and—”

There is pause and Sehun grips the doorknob tighter.

_I shouldn’t stay and eavesdrop like this. This isn’t something I’m a part of, rather, something Mom and Dad should figure out themselves._

“—I don’t want my kids in the house with her! I know you moved her in, sleeping in our—”

He tears his attention away from the light and stares into the abyss of hallway. His eyes refuse to adjust properly, so instead of the cream colored walls and the mahogany colored door, he sees a faint outline of where his door was, before the dark hit it.

_They’re fighting._

His grip on the doorknob loosens to a light grasp, barely touching the metal. Sehun continues to stare forward into the nothingness as the long pause from his mother’s side continues.

“—So she can replace me? Yeri and Sehun are still impressionable and—”

At the mention of his name, Sehun turns his head back to the light source. He senses her lack of conviction with each following word.

“—Why are you trying to take everything away from me, why—”

Sehun winces when her voice quiets and starts to break with the following pause.

_She’s crying._

Sehun continues to stand idly as the pause grows longer and longer by the second.

_Why are you letting him do this to you?_

_Do something._

Moments turn into seconds and seconds turn into minutes. His breath is steady and his hand drops from the door knob. His leg itch with the need to move someone where, to do something. To get out of the darkness and into the light, or into the semi darkness of his bedroom. The silence is deafening, nearly screaming at him to change into something else; a different harmony, pitch, frequency, tenor, note.

_This…is something I can’t control. If I go back home, I can remain constant, but if I stay here…I’ll become someone I can’t recognize. My new constant?_

_Is that not constant?_

_But here, I won’t be let down. It’s terrible and it’ll stay terrible. At home, I have to see the abrupt change, live in it, be reminded of what it was before._

_Do I want to stay constant?_

 

Sehun returns his attention back to his bedroom door and grasps the knob again. The desire to turn and escape back into his room, is continuous. He’ll be able to lay in his bed like he has done for the past five days, and stare at the cracks in the ceiling. He won’t have to stay and listen to his mom and dad fight again, but that was his constant. For the past few months, all they have done is fight, but, why does he want to escape, if this has been his reality? It’s terrible and it will always be terrible. The apartment itself is not bad, its safe. But at the same time, it’s not.

 

_Why can’t I move?_

_Why won’t Mom say anything? Do something? Defend herself?_

“What is it? What did I do?”

 

Sehun closes his eyes when he hears his mother’s shuddering breaths and poorly held in sobs.

 

 

_You didn’t accept the change when it happened._

_You wanted stability._

_You wanted to remain constant. A forever being doing and existing as the same entity because it’s safe._

_And when Dad no longer gave it to you, you fought against it._

 

There is silence from his mother’s side of the phone call once again, and instead of remaining in the darkness of the hallway where the light couldn’t touch, he returns to his room. Right before the door closes, however, the light that partially lit up the hallway, interrupting the darkness, disappears, leaving both Sehun in his room, alone in the dark, and his mother the same.

 

 

* * *

 

 

Sehun stares at the ceiling of his room and recounts the same seven cracks placed sporadically like branches from a tree. From the day he first moved in, the cracks have gotten longer and fed more into each other. He picks his phone from his side and reactivates it, the brightness illuminates his face, neck, and chest. The time reads 1:14.

_It’s officially Zitao’s birthday._

Sehun opens his message app and clicks on Zitao’s contact. Only being ‘phone buddies’ for a day, their range of messages consist of ‘Hello Science Partner >:D’ from Zitao’s side, and ‘It’s Sehun’ from his side. His thumbs hover the keyboard momentarily before closing the app and putting his phone back on his side.

_It’ll be weird if I just text him at one in the morning, but it is just a Happy Birthday._

Sehun reaches for his phone again when he hears a thump from the other side of the wall, from “ _The Wall_.” He drops his phone in his excitement and sits up, attentive to whatever sounds that may bleed from the layer of plaster. With each passing second, his face heats up with many possibilities. There is another thump and his hands sweat.  He can feel his heartbeat speed up.

_Are they going to do it again? Does this mean Baekhyun is okay? After two days are they—is he?_

To Sehun’s displeasure, the thumps don’t return, but rather mumbles take its place. Mumbles that grow in intensity and velocity.

_Are they fighting?_

Sehun scoots as close as humanly possible to the shared wall and places an ear on the plaster.

“What’s wrong with me? What wrong with you?”

“Baekhyunnie, I’m not comfortable with this, not anymore more.”

Sehun’s heart drops at Chanyeol’s confession. The heat that ran through his veins goes cold and the sweat that appeared on his skin leave goosebumps.

_Is it really that bad? Are they going to break up? Is that why Baekhyun was like that but, when I ran into him and his friend while I was with Yeri, he wouldn’t look at her? If it’s Chanyeol then why would he glance over her so quickly and write her off, as if she noticed, but, he always talked to her in our previous interactions…_

Sehun presses his fingers against the wall as a way to push himself (insert himself) into whatever aliments Baekhyun and Chanyeol are facing. The mumbles are still present but they remain relatively quiet. He sighs in disappointment and removes himself from the wall. He sits on his legs as he stares at the various things in his room in disinterest.

_Why am I like this?_

He stares at his hands in mild disgust at how ‘excited’ he got at the possibility to hear his neighbors, primarily Baekhyun, have sex, for the third time that week, so for the third time (fourth if he counts the bathroom incident) he could directly masturbate to them in real time. He frowns and pulls back his covers and climbs underneath, hiding completely under the blanket in the process.

“Chanyeollie.”

Sehun remains still under his blanket before curiosity gets the best of him and peaks his head out of his impromptu blanket prison. He stares at the wall expectedly for a reply or continuation from either party. “The Wall” falls silent and Sehun is left by himself.

_Maybe they knew that I could hear them and they decided to talk at normal volume, for once._

Fear shoots down Sehun spine at that thought, sharp and quick. What if they found out? Then what? Would they still talk to him or would Baekhyun write him off like he did Yeri? Sehun frowns and sighs, pulling the blanket over his head again.

“I love you.”

Sehun stops mid-action, letting the confession ring about in his head.

_That’s too light to be Chanyeol’s. So, are they okay again? Did they make up that fast? Or is Baekhyun trying to salvage his relationship with Chanyeol and that’s why—_

“I love you too, Baekhyunnie.”

This time, the voice is deep.

_Oh._

Sehun stares at the “The Wall” again, dropping the blanket.

_They must be right at the wall like I am._

_Why does my chest hurt?_

_Baekhyun’s better and I don’t have to…be tempted._

_So, why—_

The phone at his side vibrates, pulling him out of his mini pity party. He reads the notification and drops the phone. He pulls the blanket over his head for the umpteenth time and curls into himself.

_Dad, why would you text me after what you just said to Mom? If you really loved me, you wouldn’t have let her do this to herself. Instead of changing, you would have remained the same, like you were supposed to..._

 

 

* * *

 

 

Sehun sits on the couch in their very bland, undecorated living room. The television set across from him is on, but it serves as white noise and a distraction for Yeri. Sehun picks his phone up from his side and unlocks it. He opens the messaging app and clicks on Zitao’s contact. The same conversation is still there, one reply from either side.

_We just met, so it wouldn’t be weird to text him, ‘Happy Birthday.’ He said he wanted to be friends with me._

Sehun looks forward and gazes at the television absent-mindedly.

_Do I just say, ‘Happy Birthday’ or throw in an emoji? But I don’t want to come off too strong. If I just say, ‘Happy Birthday,’ I might come off as bland and uninterested._

“Sehunnie, I’m hungry.”

His sister’s voice pulls him out of his subconscious and he looks over at her on the floor. Her eyes are wide and eyelashes are long. They still twinkle with a nativity and innocence, unlike last Wednesday in the convenience store.

“Um, what do you want?”

Yeri points to the television, “They are having mac and cheese, so I want some.”

Sehun glances at the television, “…Do we even have that?”

“Mommy bought some yesterday.”

Sehun wordlessly stands and moves to the kitchen, dropping his phone on the couch cushion. He opens up the cabinet designated for dried foods and right in front of him there is box of instant mac and cheese. He then proceeds to pull out the required ingredients and a small saucer pot. He pours the noodles and necessary amount of water and places it on the stove. He turns the water on and turns to face the living room. Yeri has her body positioned facing the television set and watches it attentively. The room is calm and constant. Yeri is still and Sehun is still. The bland walls and humble furniture give the open kitchen/living room a plain quality. Not bad but not great either. Stale. The water behind him begins to bubble weakly disrupting the ambiance of the cartoon Yeri is watching. He turns around and notices the small bubbles rising to the top above the stationary noodles. These bubbles interrupt the previous peaceful equilibrium of the water. The heat from the stove is the acting force, the bubbles is the reaction, and the noodles sitting below that will soon rise and change, is the final result. Sehun observes how if he was to remove the pot from the heat source, the noodles won’t change, but, they can’t return to the cardboard box that they originated from as they were before. The box, that sits on the counter next to the stove, is open and it will never close the same way again. He could pour the water off and slide the noodles back in but they won’t be the same noodles that they were when they slept comfortably in the cabinet. If he was to remove the pot, they won’t have to change but then Yeri wouldn’t be able to eat them and thus, would be useless. The noodles start to boil harder and the noodles start to rise to the top. Sehun watches the noodles with a blank stare as they accept the change they are going through.

“Sehunnie.”

Sehun breaks out of his trance and looks to his left to see Yeri standing right beside him. He watches her expectedly.

“I asked you to change the channel but you didn’t move. Did you have a dream while you were awake? Was it a good dream?”

 

_A daydream?_

 

“Mommy says when you have a dream while you’re awake, it’s because you really want something.”

_I was watching the mac and cheese. I want to be mac and cheese?_

“Like, at school, I had a daydream that I saw daddy outside, so that means I want to see him.”

Sehun watches Yeri after her confession, her cheerful voice is now somber and her attention is to the floor.

_Why would you miss him? He’s not worth the effort._

“I really want daddy to come back, so he can love me.”

Sehun turns back to the noodles on the stove to see they are boiling more aggressively.

“Yeri, Dad loves you lot. He’ll come back and you’ll get to see him soon. You talked to him on the phone a few days ago and he told you that he did, right?”

_Who put that idea in her head? The only one Dad doesn’t love anymore is Mom._

Yeri nods with little enthusiasm and returns to the living room.

 

 

* * *

 

 

Sehun stares at the Zitao’s contact that, still, show the two responses, one from both sides, while lounging on his bed.

_It’s nine o’clock at night, I just need to send something to show that I care. Anything should be okay, right?_

His thumbs type out a simple “Happy Birthday” and they to continue hover over the emoji board.

_Should I put a star for Star-Crossed friends? Or would that be too weird? A happy face? Balloons?_

There’s thump from _“The Wall,”_ and Sehun looks at their shared wall with wide eyes. His hands that automatically forgot about his previous task before, drop the phone into his lap when there is another thump, followed by another.

_Are they?_

He swallows thickly when there’s another. He scrambles closer to “The Wall” and puts an ear on the plaster for the second night in a row. After a period of silence, he can hear something faint.

He makes out something of the like, “You clumsy dumbass.”

Much closer and deeper there’s a “Yeah, but you still put up with me so what are we really?”

“Chanyeollie—”

“I’m the dumb, even though I had higher marks than you, and you have an ass—”

Sehun detaches himself from the wall and lies flat on his mattress. He stares at the same seven cracks as more thumping continues, not rhythmically but sporadically.

_Why am I so disappointed, not only in them but myself? Baekhyun seems to be doing better, which is what I wanted but, at the same time, I’m upset. When I saw Baekhyun broken like that in front of his TV that one day, and how he went to such great lengths to avoid Yeri, it hurt. Now that he has made up with Chanyeol and maybe addressed what was going on with him, and is happier, it still hurts._

_What do I want from him?_

 

Sehun sits in silence before remembering his previous task and sits up. He grabs his discarded phone and sends Zitao the message as is. He drops the phone and lies down on his back again.

“Baekhyunnie! The bed is made, look!”

_They were making the bed? I feel even more disgusted with myself._

“Wow, I’ve never seen a bed made so perfectly before! Maybe you should quit your job and become a professional bed maker for department stores! Join the Olympics!

There’s a thump and laughter from both on the other side of the wall.

 

 

_Why do I feel so annoyed? This is what I wanted. This is what I wanted. This is what I wanted._

“I don’t believe it,” Sehun voices to no one in particular.

 

_Maybe it bothers me because I’m not used to it? Mom and Dad never acted that way towards each other, but that’s how Baekhyun and Chanyeol were when I first met them._

Sehun frowns to himself at his inability to find an answer when his phone vibrates. He sits up and checks the notification only to find it’s another message from his father. He tosses his phone back where it was previously, on the other side of the bed, and returns to his position on his back.

 

_Why are you asking me if I want to come live with you instead of Mom? It hasn’t even been a week. If I wanted to stay I would have._

_And wouldn’t have met Baekhyun._

That notion makes him feel even more upset. He rolls over onto his stomach and lays flat against the mattress. There is another vibration from his phone but he lets it sit for a while. Chanyeol and Baekhyun have quieted down considerably and he doesn’t know if he should be relieved or disappointed. Again. He decides to check his phone to read the notification and it reads:

 

 “Thank you Star-Crossed friend <3”

 

 

 

 

 

I’m 30 words short of 3000 but whatever. WOULD you BELIEVE this was the easier chapter for me to write thus far? _~~I hope it’s not too confusing I kind of slipped into my normal writing style for this chapter. I literally stared at the outline for this chapter for two days then I threw in a metaphor and BOOM there it was.~~_ _~~I have a kink for metaphors and extended character monologues and self-reflections.~~_ Enjoy the fluffy ChanBaek while it lasts, that’s my only warning. Also (is everything really okay with them??????????????????? or Naw????????????????????? J????) Anyway, I hope the last scene makes sense, I have a hella headache and idk what’s going on rn. But, yeah, TAOHUN RISE ~~while you still have the chance~~ basically everything is going to get painful (in a period of time, what period I d k ~~I do know~~ but a period)

 

Food for thought: Does Sehun want to be the mac and cheese?

 

See you (*•̀ᴗ•́*) و ̑̑

 


	7. SPP and SCF

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Zitao peeps Sehun's game before he knew he had any, illogical attempts at science, and picking chocolate

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here I am again. Don't get upset with me with the science nonsense in the middle, I haven't taken biology in a while (like three years, god i'm old, i took it my senior year in high school, Advanced Placement) but the condition I used is real, everything else is not (at least I don't think it's possible...)
> 
> UnBetaed
> 
> also have you seen the teaser pics today? My main man Chanyeol killed me.

Sehun closes the front door of his apartment and makes his way through the hallway. Leaning on the front of his door, Zitao is wearing sweatpants and a tank top, contrasting Sehun’s skinny jeans and a t-shirt. He waves to Sehun when he comes into view.

“Hey Science Project Partner, Kris and Junmyeon went out today so we can work in my apartment.”

Sehun nods silently and when he reaches Zitao, the latter doesn’t budge.

“Um, Zitao—”

“Are you okay?” Zitao watches Sehun carefully with his arms crossed.

“Uh—” Sehun grips the straps of backpack tighter and breaks eye contact, he hides his face in the process by turning it in towards the end of the hall. Through his peripheral, he can see Zitao follow his action and lean his head in the same direction, trying to get a glimpse of his face.

_Am I really that transparent?_

“Did you get my text?”

Zitao’s voice pulls Sehun out of his thoughts and he returns his attention back to his science partner, who has the door open and is halfway through the threshold.

“About the ‘Homework Party?’ Yeah.”

Zitao lets Sehun pass through before closing and locking the door, “Since we’re in the same classes, and we’re meeting up, we can work on our homework together, so it’ll go faster. You haven’t started it right?”

Sehun slips his sneakers off and surveys the apartment. Similar to his own and Baekhyun’s, Zitao’s has more style and flare than both combined. His own is plain and bland that lacks decoration and a sense of home, Baekhyun’s is modest and clean, but Zitao’s is modish. All the furniture is black, the appliances in the kitchen are black, and dining room table in the kitchen is glass, lined with, you guessed it, black.

_How did they make the apartment look so…nice?_

“I haven’t touched my backpack since Friday,” Sehun supplies.

Zitao slips his own sneakers off and walks ahead of Sehun to show him his room, “That’s good, I haven’t started either.”

Sehun nods, and as he follows Zitao, he can see even more of the apartment. The few pictures that line the walls are artistic and follow the dark color scheme well. The rug in the living room is elaborate, contrasting the black furniture and the cream walls with a perfect synergy.

_It feels powerful yet comfortable._

“And here is my room,” Zitao flicks the light switch next to the door and his room goes from pitch black to bright within seconds.

Sehun eyes widen when he sees Zitao’s room. Similar to the rest of the apartment, the best way to describe it is stylish. His bed sits in the far corner by the window with white bedding and red pillows. In the center of the room is a small black table, fit for kneeling and siting. Atop the table is a laptop computer, high end name brand, and a bowl of crackers. Opposite to the bed is a dresser that is dark mahogany with a jewelry box on top. It wouldn’t shock him if the dresser itself was real mahogany wood.

“Your room is chic.”

Zitao moves to sit down at the table in front of his laptop, “Thanks, SPP come sit with me.”

_SPP?_

Sehun stands in the doorway of Zitao’s room awkwardly before he closes the door and moves to sit across from Zitao, in front of the bowl of crackers. He removes his backpack from his back and places it to his side. The room is silent while Zitao opens his laptop. He starts tapping on the keys once it turns on.

_He must have a lot of money, but if he does, how did he end up here of all places?_

“H-how long have you been here?”

Zitao looks up from his computer screen and smirks, “Why are you so nervous? We’re friends right?”

Sehun looks down at his hands in embarrassment and cringes when he, once again, done something very unlike him.

_It’s all so overwhelming, his apartment, his room; he’s made something so terrible not so terrible. I don’t know how to respond to this._

“Of course, you said it yourself that we’re destined to be together,” Sehun tries to add in some cheekiness, something very like him, the old him, the him he’s not afraid of, into the conversation.

“At school you seem like that hot mysterious guy in class everyone wants to get with like in those romance mangas, but really, you’re kind of like everyone else, awkward.”

At the mention of ‘hot mysterious guy’ in the reference of him, Sehun looks up from his lap to see Zitao staring at his laptop intensely.

“…I’m hot and mysterious?”

Zitao nods while tapping on the keys of his keyboard, “Yeah, you don’t really talk to anyone, besides that Jackson guy, you’re really distracted in class and you have this cold air about you, giving off a delinquent vibe. If you’re not dating anyone I’ll be shocked.”

“…Dating?” Sehun swallows thickly at the notion of him getting involved with anyone in _that way_.

“I’m single, I don’t have anyone who I’m interested in,” Sehun watches as Zitao nods while still looking at the screen.

_Except maybe, Baekhyun._

That thought alone has Sehun’s cheeks flaming up. He glances over at Zitao to see if he’s noticed, but luckily, he’s still looking at something on his laptop.

_I’m just, he’s…do I like Baekhyun? In that way?_

“I’ve been living with Kris and Junmyeon since last semester. My parents sent me aboard to live with them since they thought a new environment would humble me a bit. You asked about that earlier before I changed the subject, right?”

Sehun sighs in relief at Zitao’s response. He nods, “Yeah, do you like here?”

_In this apartment?_

Zitao leans back on his arms and looks around his room in thought, “It’s okay, I miss being with my parents and friends back home. It’s a lot different from what I’m used to, it’s not that bad,” his eyes catch Sehun’s, “I’ve grown to like it.”

“…So you’re a lot like me,” Sehun voices absentmindedly.

Zitao’s eyes widen at Sehun’s confession and Sehun covers his mouth in shock, a small “shit” escapes past his hand.

Zitao gives him a light smile and continues, “Kris is my uncle from my mother’s side and he’s been supportive, he’s helping me acclimate since he’s been here for a while, and Junmyeon is great too, he’s been helping me with my Korean with Luhan.”

“Is he that guy I always see you with?”

“So you’ve been watching me?” Sehun can sense the playful tone in Zitao’s voice and decides to take the opportunity to lighten the mood, so he smirks in response.

“I have to protect my Star Crossed Friend, right?”

Zitao’s eyes twinkle with an unknown emotion and he sits up, “Your SCF? You better, I’m protecting my SPP.”

“From what?”

“Himself.”

Sehun’s face drops at the notion. He can feel his blood run cold and his breath hitch.

 

 

_Myself?_

“It was a joke, don’t take it too seriously. You’re were doing so well,” Zitao moves to grab his backpack from under the table and pulls out a notebook and a pencil.

“Doing what well?”

“Loosening up. You don’t have to be so deep and serious all the time, stop thinking so harshly and just feel your way through it, you’re just going to hurt yourself in the end. It’s okay to feel defenseless or upset or weak or whatever sometimes. It’s obvious your holding yourself back. You can let your guard down, at least around me,” Zitao moves both his arms in a circular motion indicating himself, “and here if need be.”

_Didn’t Mr. Lee tell me something similar? “It’s okay to feel weak sometimes,” or something like that. But I might lose control of the situation if I just “feel” my way through everything. If I just did what I wanted to do when I wanted to do it, who knows what could happen._

“Why are you like this?” Sehun claps his hands over his mouth for the second time when another thought leaks out.

“I felt that we were kindred spirts when I first saw you, and you looked super pitiful so I felt the need to help you out.”

“So you’ve been watching me?” Sehun goes to clasp his hands over his mouth for the third time before Zitao stops him.

“—See, like that, be more like that. You don’t have to censor yourself, you’ll enjoy yourself more if you do more accepting instead of rejecting, Kris told me that.”

Sehun nods at the piece of advice, “Why does this feel more like a therapy session instead of a study group thing?”

“Because you need help, you’re clearly a mess,” Zitao returns his attention back to his laptop and starts scrolling.

“At least I got dressed today,” On reflex, Sehun flinches but stills. His eyes meet Zitao’s from across the table and he can see him smile, a genuine smile.

“You seem more authentic like that, and not as calculated and stiff when you talk, I’m not saying you should say and do what _ever_ is on your mind, but don’t be so quick to shut yourself down. It’s clear that you have a playful personality.”

“Did Kris tell you that?”

Zitao arches an eyebrow and clicks his cheek, “You pick up fast.”

“As expected.”

 

 

* * *

 

 

“Did you research any ideas for our project? I looked at the guideline this morning and it doesn’t really help, I emailed her and she hasn’t replied either,” Zitao looks up from his computer to see Sehun snacking on the crackers from the bowl.

Sehun shrugs his shoulders, “Something Biology related.”

Zitao gives Sehun look before continuing to scroll on his laptop, “I tried searching up broad topics but they all seem boring.”

“Boring is fine.”

“We all can’t be like you SPP, it has to be something we’re interested in, the project will go smoother.”

“We can do something that we’re talking about in class.”

Zitao glances up to meet Sehun’s eyes again, “Genetics?”

Sehun hesitates before answering, “…Yeah.”

“You don’t know what we’re doing in class.”

Sehun pulls out his phone to check the time, which reads 15:11. On his home screen, there is another message notification from his father. “You’re the one who called me ‘Hot and Mysterious’ who’s ‘distracted in class.’”

Zitao puts his elbow on the table and balances his head in his hand, “Junmyeon was talking about this, ‘phenomenon,’ the other day. Maybe we could do that.”

“What is it?” Sehun places his phone back into his jean pocket and gives his full attention to the boy across from him.

“He said that he read an article about abnormalities in the genetic code, or something like that. What I got from it, he said in some cases, chromosomes have been blending or mutating, I can’t remember the word that he used.”

“Did the article use a case? Maybe we can look the case up.”

Zitao nods at the suggestion and starts typing on his computer again. With his head, he gestures to the notebook and the pencil on the table, “Write that down so we don’t forget it.”

Sehun takes the two items and marks down the idea, their only idea.

"In this article, it says ‘There has been an influx in abnormalities in humans. From what studies have found, in the past decade, chromosomes have spliced together to create another chromosome containing both characteristics, or a chromosome merging the two or more.’” Zitao makes a face as he continues to read further down the article.

“What else does it say? Is there something we can build on?”

“It says, ‘Across the world, there have been an increasing amount of cases of individuals containing the new sex gene.’ I think I heard about it before, there was some guy on the news who had it and they were talking about it.”

Sehun writes ‘New Sex Gene’ under ‘Genetic Abnormalities,’ “Maybe we could do it on that, that sounds interesting.”

Zitao nods in agreement, “Maybe it can be a focus on how the behavior between the old sex gene and the new sex gene come about, and how it happened. Write that down and I’ll email Mrs. Jung about it.”

“So SCF, what does that mean exactly? The new sex gene?” Sehun puts the pencil down and looks across the table with interest.

“From what I can get, SPP, it says there are people who have ‘Both sex chromosomes. Instead of having the disorder, Klinefelter Syndrome, they are still able to function reproductively without the outer physical deformities. Instead of XXY, these people have XZ, Z being the new sex gene which is a complete blend of the X and Y chromosome.’”

 

 

* * *

 

 

 

“Sehun pick one.”

“I don’t know which one I want, I’m not basic like you are.”

Zitao puts a hand to his chest in feigned hurt. He pulls out his phone out of his jacket pocket to check the time, “It’s 18:04, this was supposed to be a quick shopping trip break not ‘let’s stand in the chip aisle for ten minutes.’”

Sehun turns around to face Zitao, “My palette has a refined taste.”

“You ate Junmyeon’s vegan cracker chips, I’m shocked you can _taste._ ” With his phone, Zitao clicks on the camera app and takes a selfie out of boredom, one that Sehun just turned around with a bag of chips to be a part of.

Sehun walks up to see the picture and grimaces, “If you post it tag me.”

“You use SNS?” Zitao looks up from his phone and stares at Sehun in shock.

“I used too, my username is just my name.”

“Not only are we Science Project Partners, Star Crossed Friends, and Destined to Be, we can be SNS Besties too.”

Sehun rolls his eyes at Zitao’s silliness when he sees from the reflective mirror on the ceiling, two people who look like Chanyeol and Baekhyun enter the store. His eyes widen when he looks to the store entrance and sees a glimpse of Chanyeol’s side profile.

_They’re here?_

The idea of them coming in together makes his chest ache, similar to how he felt the past two nights.

_“You’ll enjoy yourself more if you do more accepting instead of rejecting.”_

_What am I supposed to accept? How is accepting this feeling helping me in any way? I know it bothers me. I don’t feel weak because of it, just terrified of what this could mean. I’m not jealous._

“Zitao, we should go.”  
Zitao waves him off with his free hand with his chips tucked in the crease of his arm, while the other holds his phone, thumb tapping away on its screen, “Give me a minute, I’m trying to find the right emoji.”

“You can do that later, lets buy this and go.”

Zitao looks up from his phone when the selfie is posted, “Why are you in such a hurry to get back? We have math waiting on us, besides, Kris and Junmyeon won’t be back until late tonight and you said your mom was okay with you being out until 20:00.”

_Fuck._

“I kind of want a candy bar, that’s in the third row right?”

_Right in Chanyeol and Baekhyun’s direction._

“I-I mean; do you really need one?” Sehun stutters on his retort and the look Zitao sends him speaks of him seeing through his deceit.

“Why are you acting all weird again? You were fine after our talk, it’s just chocolate, I’ll buy you one too, when you really don’t need one either.”

Before Sehun can try to convince Zitao, he turns around to walk down the aisle, where the candy bars are located.

_Fuckfuckfuck_

Sehun follows Zitao to the row he ran into Baekhyun last, a few days prior, back when he went with Yeri. Like his sister, Zitao can’t make a decision either.

“Just pick one,” Sehun voice begins to crack.  
“You spent, like, half an hour picking your chips give me a couple of minutes, you go pick yours while I figure out what I want.”

Sehun picks the most generic candy bar before looking over at Zitao expectedly, but the latter continues to wave him off. In that moment, he can hear Chanyeol’s voice from the aisle in front of them.

“Why are we here? They’re at the counter. I thought we were going to buy a new box. I think the old one is expired.”  
“…I want fruit snacks, I said that on the car ride here.”

“But didn’t you just eat with Jongdae?”

“For later, you go buy your size and I’ll catch up.”

“But don’t you need some?”

“I don’t know; I’ll just wear your size.”

“You don’t like the kind I like.”

_Are they talking about…condoms? Because all they sell at the counter are condoms, cigarettes and lottery tickets, and you can’t wear the last two…_

A spark of arousal shoots down his body, straight to his dick, at the implication that Chanyeol and Baekhyun are talking about sex, as if they are going to do it again, _multiple times._

Sehun looks over to his side with wide eyes and he can see Zitao crouched down choosing between three different kinds of candy bar, completely unaware of his current situation, “Hey SPP, should I go with peanuts, peanut butter, or caramel?”

“Buyallthreesowecango.”

Zitao looks up at Sehun and makes a face, “Why are you acting all spazy, again? Your face is all red—”

_Is it?_

“—And I don’t want three, I want one.” Zitao turns back to the aisle in front him and continues to look back and forth between his top three choices.

“Chanyeol, thanks again for today, and yesterday,” Baekhyun’s voice is soft, to the point Sehun has to strain his ears to catch the statement.

_What happened today? What happened yesterday?_

Chanyeol’s deep voice, contrasts the sweetness quality of Baekhyun’s, “I knew the distance was hard, but I didn’t know my double shifts were affecting, to the point where you’ll act like that. So when you told me, of course I was going to cut back. I don’t want you doubt our relationship again to where it’ll hurt you like it did. You know that I—”

“I know; you don’t have to say it.”

“But I want to, I—”

Sehun’s face drops at Chanyeol confession. His eyes squint and his eyebrows pull together in confusion.

_Baekhyun was like that because of Chanyeol? But, why did he act like that around Yeri a few days ago, as if the mere sight of her, hurt him? And that doesn’t explain the incident in front of the TV…That couldn’t have been about him._

“Hey SPP, I picked the caramel, I’m ready if you are.”

Sehun nods and behind Zitao he can see Chanyeol and Baekhyun make their way to the counter. In that moment, his and Baekhyun’s eyes meet. His heart crashes against his chest and its beat is loud in his ears. He can feel his face heat up at the contact. Baekhyun gives him a smile, a genuine smile. A warmth spreads throughout his limbs at how bright it looks. Baekhyun waves to which Chanyeol turns around and does the same, albeit embarrassed and red in the face as well. Sehun waves back which, in turn, Zitao turns around to see who Sehun was waving too.

“Ah, I’ve seen them before, they’re still together?” Zitao comments off-handedly, “Hey, SPP, how do you know them? And why is your face so red?”

With Sehun's silence, Zitao takes it as an invitation to continue and presses on with his teasing, “You act like you have a crush on one of them or something. You told me in confidence that you didn’t like anybody! I thought we were—”

_“You act like you have a crush on one of them or something.”_

_Am I supposed to accept this?_

_Is this the weakness I shouldn’t be afraid of?_

 

 

_Accepting the way he makes me feel is not platonic?_

_Accepting that I like him?_

Here we go danger. RISE TAOHUN RISE!!!!11 A lot of things happened in this chapter. A LOT OF MEAT AND POTATOES LOL IT’S ABOUT TO HAPPEN. I hope the beginning made sense, what Zitao was getting at was, Sehun was dwelling over something (his dad and chanbaek) so he was telling him to relax and let loose. Not to force yourself into acting some kind of way as a defense mechanism. Basically, Zitao peeped Sehun’s game before he even realized (the year of realizing) he was doing it. So he was telling him he doesn’t have to police himself around him. Sehun feels comfortable around Zitao (birds of a feather flock together) and that in itself scares him because he’s going to ‘leak’ information of his (like he did the first time) and everything after was him just saying whatever came to his mind so he tried stopping himself because he’s going to ‘leak’ more information. (IDK THE FIRST SCENE IS JUST WTF IDK I CAN’T JUSTIFY IT, IT’S ZITAO REALZING SEHUN IS HOLDING HIMSELF BACK AND HIM CONFRONTING HIM IN A ROUND ABOUT WAY. ZITAO CAN READ SEHUN’S EMOTIONS REALLY WELL IS WHAT IM TRYING TO SAY WHENEVER HE’S UNCOMFORTABLE HE CHANGES THE SUBJECT (BUT AT THE END HE WAS JUST FUCKING WITH HIM HE DOESN’T KNOW HOW DEEP SEHUN IS ~~he’s so smitten for Baek and It’s only been a week he has hella game~~ WHEN IT COMES TO BAEKHYUN. HE JUST KNOWS HE HAS NO FUCKING CHILL AROUND HIM AND WAS TEASING HIM FOR BEING SUPER OBVIOUS) ~~also I’m starting school soon so idk how often I’ll be about to update which is why I’m updating like crazy rn I’ll try for at least once a week? These chapters don’t take long to write if I know what I’m doing/going with it.~~

 

See you (*•̀ᴗ•́*) و ̑̑

 

 

 


	8. Crash

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sehun thought he was safe but he's not. He doesn't know who he really should be afraid of, his neighbors or himself.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm back and I feel terrible for not updating for like, 3 weeks? School is rough, life is rough, everything is just...Anyway, idk what this chapter is and I hope you like it! If you don't, feel free to drag me!! I usually throw a joke in here or something but I'm so fried atm so, 
> 
>  
> 
> Unbetaed

Sehun lays flat on his back and counts the cracks on his ceiling. Entering his second week as a resident of this apartment, the number has expanded to nine. His sock clad toes wiggle and massage one another when he hears a thud from the wall behind him, “The Wall.” He continues to stare at the ceiling without a true purpose when the thud, that excited him more than what he’ll like to admit, passes by without another incident.

“I haven’t seen or heard from Baekhyun or Chanyeol since…” He trails off when heat rises in his cheeks, “…They seem better but, Zitao’s comment...”

Sehun purses his lips at the memory of Zitao’s reaction to his next door neighbors and their very apparent relationship.

“And he wouldn’t even tell me what he meant by ‘They’re still together?’” The teen sighs quietly.

A pout forming on Sehun’s face, he rolls onto his side and closes his eyes. After a few moments, he opens his eyes and grabs his phone sitting at his side. With a shroud of light surrounding him, bright translucent letters not only tell that it is 1:17 in the morning, but it is a Wednesday, a school night.

_It’s been four days since Zitao’s birthday, it’s also been four days since Dad texted me last._

_It’s been four days since I’ve seen or heard from Baekhyun._

Sehun rolls onto his back once more and continues to stare at his ceiling.

 

 

_If the people who disrupted my state of…regularity disappeared, then way am I still like this? What am I supposed to accept? What makes me feel weak? Baekhyun is happier and is laying low, Dad has stopped texting me…What am I supposed to accept?_

_“You act like you have a crush on one of them or something.”_

Sehun scowls at the memory of his SCF proclaiming the ridiculous idea, in front of Baekhyun and Chanyeol, within their ear shot.

_I wonder if they heard him. What would Chanyeol think? What would Baekhyun think? He’s already pretty awkward with Yeri, if he was uncomfortable with the both of us, would he stop coming around? Or, acknowledging us whenever we run into each other?_

_That’ll solve my problem, right? I wouldn’t have to deal with the embarrassment of making a fool out of myself in front of him. Zitao would probably stop bothering me. All I’ll be left with is Dad and continuing my not great but not terrible life here._

Sehun nods to himself and crosses his arms in triumph.

 

 

“If Baekhyun were to stop talking to me,” he begins with a smile, “then…” the euphoria that bubbled up inside him from reaching a possible answer ceases with each following word that rolls off his lips, “…then I could go back to normal, right? Would my attraction for Baekhyun go away?” Sehun falls silent and frowns at the questions that popped up at the mere hypothetical possibility of him and Baekhyun no longer continuing their already minor contact.

 

 

_If we were to stop talking to each other, would I stop caring about him? Would Zitao’s mild disgust toward the two no longer bother me? Would the thumps that I hear now and again stop exciting me? Or would I crave him more?_

Sehun sits up abruptly at his last thought. His fingers grip the sheets and he stares blankly ahead at his uniform hanging on a hook behind his bedroom door.

 

 

“Do I crave him?” His mouth hangs open at the weight of his question.

 

 

_Can you crave someone after a little over a week of knowing them? Is what I feel for Baekhyun and my desire for him to be okay, a craving?_

 

Sehun grabs his phone that lies next to him and opens up a search engine app. After a few taps, a web page pops up.

“Verb (used with object), 1. To long for; want greatly; desire eagerly: _to crave sweets; to crave affection.”_

He blinks at the definition before moving on to the next denotation, “2. To require; need: _a problem craving prompt attention.”_

 

_Do I long for Baekhyun’s happiness? I want him to be happy, but I don’t desire it eagerly._

Sehun nods at his ability to find an answer to one of his many questions.

 

 

_Do I crave Baekhyun?_

Unlike the first question, the answer does not come as easily.

 

 

_I think about him a lot but I don’t need to see him. I don’t like seeing him, I always get all…weird. I don’t like weird; I just want mundane. I don’t want to set a high standard, with a high standard comes an expectation, with an expectation, there is the risk of disappointment, with disappointment there is the destruction of the dream that was created._

_I don’t crave him. I like him as a friend._

_A friend that I’ve masturbated to twice, three times if I count that time in his bathroom, while he was having sex with his boyfriend, Chanyeol._

Sehun ignores the pang in his chest at the notion of Baekhyun’s boyfriend, Chanyeol.

_If he were to avoid me like he does Yeri, for whatever reason, would that desire stop? Would this place stop changing? Could I continue back into the limbo I sat in before I heard him through the wall and after Mom and Dad fell apart? Is that who I am and who I want to be?_

Sehun drops his phone and falls back onto his pillows.

 

 

_Zitao made this place not so bad, should I try that? Would that be regularity? Would I stop changing then, if I choose what I want for myself and enforce it? By changing this place from not great to not terrible to not so bad, would I feel more at peace with myself?  Would I finally sleep at night instead of lying awake asking myself the same questions I can’t find the answers to?_

Sehun closes his eyes at the plan brewing in his head.

 

 

 _I’ll ask Zitao tomorrow about how he made this place more livable and constant. He seems pretty confident and comfortable with himself. If I create an environment where I’m comfortable, and not settling for whatever low as comfortability, then I won’t have to be disappointed with whatever happens because, the state I’m in, I’ll have control over it._ (A/N: pray for Sehun please)

Sehun nods to himself again and turns to his side. He grabs his comforter that was squished to the end of his bed, and pulls it up and over himself. For the first time in days, he falls asleep without nagging questions plaguing his thoughts.

 

 

* * *

 

 

 

_Thump_

_Thump Thump_

_Thump Thump Thump!_

Sehun opens his eyes slowly as the thumps from behind him start a steady tempo. Groggy and body still lulled by sleep, he grabs his phone and activates it.

“…1:42?” He squints his eyes to help him calculate the amount of, or lack thereof, sleep he accumulated when a murmur from behind the wall, “The Wall,” interrupts his calculations.  “Was that—?” He remains still until the murmur from “The Wall” is louder and clearer.

_“…Chanyeollie.”_

Sehun drops his phone in shock and remains frozen when moans, that are in time with the thumps, become steady and constant. With each moan and grunt that finds itself intermingled in the song of Baekhyun getting fucked, Sehun breath becomes heavier and his body warmer. He begins to sweat and consequentially, rips off the layer of cotton covering him. Coming as not much of a surprise, there is a tent in his pajama bottoms.

_“Yes! Right there, Chanyeollie! Please don’t—”_

_“—I know baby, I know.”_

Sehun scoots himself back until he is flush, or as close as humanely possible, to “The Wall.” He takes a shuddering breath when Baekhyun’s moans divulge into whimpers and cries. Cries for Chanyeol. His hand snakes down his body and into his pajama bottoms when the not ache, ache, in chest becomes too much. A hand snaps onto his parted mouth when a runaway mouth escapes his lips with his first up stroke.

“Shit, Baekhyun, why are you so—” Sehun’s head lulls to the side when Baekhyun’s moans increase. The hand not fisting his dick is hit with puff after puff of hot air with his quickening pants.

_“Let-ah-me, let me touch myself.”_

There is a murmur in response, but the groan that bubbles up from the shear want in Baekhyun’s voice  has him nearly doubling over. Sehun’s head hits the wall and he spreads his legs for more room for his hand to work itself on his cock. He slides down with each growing plea from the object of his sexual fantasies as his moans grow in frequency. The sound of skin against skin is loud in the tiny room and the hand that functions to block the teen’s moans falters with each passing second. Leaking excess amounts of pre cum, the glide is slick and when Sehun rubs the head of cock with his thumb, his back arches involuntarily. Behind his fluttering eyelids, instead of the hand working itself on his cock, there is a body bouncing on top of it. A familiar face that is similar to the voice currently gasping his boyfriend’s name over and over, moves itself expertly on Sehun. The figure rolls its wide hips in tune with Sehun’s bucking ones. While its face is blurred and unclear, this being has short hair and a flat chest. What sits between its legs and what is exactly sucking and squeezing Sehun is a mystery.

Broken moans of, _“Chanyeollie, please! I wanna—!”_ turn into, “Sehunnie, please! I wanna—!” and pass through pouty lips formed in an “O.”

The deeper voiced grunts and mumbles fall on death ears when slurs of, _“Don’t slow down, Chanyeol! Faster!”_ become, “Don’t slow down, Sehun! Faster!”

Sehun moves his hand faster and rocks his hips in time to his hand, “I’m not slowing down,” is muffled by his hand still covering his mouth.

_“Don’t stop!”_

The plead in the voice from beyond the wall and in his fantasy has his legs trembling and a knot forming tight in his gut.

_“—It’s okay—ah—C-cum in me!”_

The hand blocking Sehun’s groans drop and as he cums, his mouth falls open in a silent moan. His cock spurts shot after shot of cum as his legs tremble and his back arches with each pulse of pleasure. He slides completely down onto his back with only his head propped up on a pillow when his orgasm numbs his body in a calm after the sharp and hard ejaculation. The thumps behind the wall continues at an intense pace before losing rhythm and stopping all together. Sehun flickers his attention to his cum splatted hand and stained pajama bottoms when the moans stop, only murmurs pass through the shared wall. He catches words that sound like “Sorry” and “Fuck!” harshly whispered, or rather, softly exclaimed.

“…Did? Did he not…?” Sehun’s voice is rough and breaks on the few words that he was miraculously able to form despite his current fuzzy, but sedated, mind.

_“Chanyeollie, please—I-I—”_

Softer grunts follow in reply and Sehun is able to make out another “Sorry,” stringed along with other words he could care less about. Sehun and ‘The Wall’ remain silent despite a few more pleas from his next door neighbor until the thumps return. The sharp intake that could only belong to his object of his not affections, affections has the fire rising in Sehun’s gut, _again._ The cum from before has partly dried, etching his hand with flakey white and staining his pajama pants with dark spots. A moan rips through the air that startles Sehun to sit up. The proximity of it, the rawness of it, the mere clarity of the gasp alone, as if the wall dividing the two rooms was not there, has Sehun hard, _again._

“Why am I—I just—” Sehun sputters to himself softly in the melody of Baekhyun’s moans that lost all coherency.

  _Why am I—?_

Another moan, followed by another and another that rises in pitch has a moan forcing its way out of Sehun’s throat. His cum stained hand reworks on himself, making his eyes roll back, before he even had the thought process to stop himself. Unlike before, the fantasy is clearer. Its gender becomes male when his cock bounces up and down as he works himself on figurative Sehun. His face is a near replica of his neighbor and his mouth matches the high pitched gasps from behind the wall perfectly. Sehun cums in shorter period time when the Baekhyun behind the wall, and the figurative Baekhyun bouncing on figurative Sehun’s cock like he was born to do this, finally cries in the outmost relief. Instead of figurative Baekhyun moaning for real and figurative Sehun, he calls out Chanyeol’s name in broken syllables. Once Sehun catches his breath and the thumps, including Baekhyun’s cries, cease, an emptiness settles over him. One that he wasn’t aware could exist. Slumped onto the wall and laid out spread eagle on his sheets, cum drips from one hand, landing on the fitted sheet, and fresh spots stain his pajama bottoms. For once, the questions and the self digust that followed each ‘session,’ does not return. Instead of the uncertainty and unending questions invading his mind, there is a silence, which leads to a confirmation.

 

 

_I like Baekhyun more than a friend, don’t I?_

 

 

No matter how hard he tried to ask himself the “Woulds, Coulds, and Whys,” he always came back to that one and only statement.

 

 

“…Does this mean, I’m gay?” Despite how quiet the question sounded in the room, it was loud in his ears.

 

 

_I’ve never felt this way for another man before. I thought about him as a man. I like him in this way as a man. But, I’ve never felt this way about another man before. I can’t think of anyone else that I’ll…want to do this with, who is male._

 

Sehun closes his eyes and tries to envision Chanyeol in the same way as he did with Baekhyun. Instead of arousal, or some type of heightened response linking them in a non-platonic relationship, is a pain. Dread and an ache fills his chest, nearly consuming him in something Zitao would roll his eyes at and call jealousy.

 

 

_I’m jealous of Chanyeol and what he means to Baekhyun, right?_

_I want to be what Chanyeol is to Baekhyun._

 

 

_I can’t be friends with him, because I want to…_

His face heats up in embarrassment and shame at the end of the thought.

 

 

_I’ve only known him for a week and, I’m already addicted._

A dark cloud settles over Sehun at that thought. He replays the events of last week and his horrendous trip over to his neighbors’ apartment. He remembers how miserable Baekhyun was.

 

 

_Will this be my normal? Pinning over someone who longs for someone else?_

 

 

He pulls his pajama bottoms up with his free hand and rolls off his bed. On the way to the bathroom to clean himself up, thoughts swirl with the ‘Can nots’ and ‘It must be this and not thats.’ He doesn’t miss the light coming from the kitchen and hushed whispers that stand alone in the humble space. He doesn’t miss how his questions and near confirmations became nothing at all, but a catalyst to a pot he didn’t want mixed. He does miss, however, the confidence of himself and how he felt. The water washes away the evidence on his hand and treats the stains on his pants, but what it cannot do is give him his sense of stability back. He can’t stop moving and he does not know how to stop himself from crashing.

 

 

 

 

AYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY I’M A POS!!!!!!!! ~~School is kicking my ass rn I’m sorry, I’m trying~~ But, yeah, sht is hitting the fan again, and I did some calculations wrong, anddddddddddddddd, yeah so, it’s about to speed up, like, REALLY FAST. ~~We are in for a ride omg.~~ But Sehun has finally realized some things and hopefully (probably not lol) will finally do something about it. But basically, he questioned himself into submission so now he’s kinda realized he’s driving in the fast lane with no brakes. But, he’s gonna talk to his SCF, eventually, ~~when I get myself together and write~~ and try to find a way to stop the car to a speed he’s comfortable with. Next chapter will be about chanbaek again though, throw some of their drama back into the story and answer some questions about what is going on with them hopefully. ~~Also, here comes the part of the plot I’ve been dreading because smut is really hard, at least for me, to write, and it’s about to be JAM PACKED HERE WE GO.~~

 

Let’s be Friends!

 

This is my [Ship Blog](http://yeolhyunabode.tumblr.com/). Feel free to send me a message and talk to me! (and if you want my personal, just ask!)

 

Check out my [alien crack story](http://archiveofourown.org/works/7690738) and [High School AU](http://archiveofourown.org/works/7784746) too!

 

See you! (*•̀ᴗ•́*) و ̑̑


	9. Take-Out

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Two-Parter. Chanyeol's POV on past events.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Happy Holidays everyone! I'm back and shitter than ever! I wanted this to be longer, which is why this is a two-parter, but WHO KNOWS when it would have gotten done? Never maybe.
> 
>  
> 
> Un-Betaed

The various buildings, shops, cars, and people still roaming the streets, despite the late hour, blurs due to the speed of the bus. Chanyeol leans back into the worn leather of the seat and hugs the bag of extra food his mother backed for him. The bus is empty with only a few people sprinkled here and there, but for him, he is alone in the back of the bus. When he checks his phone, he grimaces at the white translucent numbers that glare back at him.

He frowns.

_Baekhyunnie is going to be upset with me._

He checks the time again for good measure.

_If he’s still awake…_

He moves his attention back to the window and blinks away the sleep clouding his eyes. His limbs are heavy with fatigue but like the encouraging words he recites to himself to help him continue with such a hellish work schedule, “it is hard to power through but you must do what you have to do.”

_We’ll probably end up fighting again like we did during my day off and on the phone earlier today._

His frown deepens at the memory of how flat Baekhyun’s voice was when he confessed that not only would he be at work longer than expected, but he is taking another early morning shift. Baekhyun’s choice—hopefully not inability—to confess the love that would typically pour out of his lips during any time of the day and without reason, cut him deep. The long pauses and the awkwardness that crept from the other line, from the man who did more talking than breathing, put him in a daze for the rest of the work day. He shed a few tears after he ended a call, one Baekhyun just hung up on without much of a goodbye, and returned to work with a demeanor even he couldn’t hide. His co-workers gave him confused looks and he saw his mother shoot one littered with worry but thankfully, they kept their thoughts to themselves.

Chanyeol’s eyes begin to sting before tears that he couldn’t control, fall. He hunches over the plastic bag and grips his knees with his hands. When a soft sob works its way through his throat, he covers his mouth with a hand and quickly scans the bus only to see a few people sitting towards the front. The tears still continue to fall.

The brokenness of his relationship that once came as natural as waking up each day or the beat of his heart is what left an ache in his chest and tears flowing from his eyes as his only way to express the desolation. It hurt to be in the apartment with Baekhyun since they are only shells of their former selves, trying to replicate who they thought they were to remain some type of normalcy. Only to be driven further apart by one less income and unpaid bills he decided to shelter on his own. It hurt to be away from the apartment since his absence only created a larger divide between them. Where the two mourn the incoming death of their relationship separately. The night they shared together a couple of days ago reignited a spark he thought went out shortly after the accident. It felt natural, home, to be with him. Not just from the pleasurable gasps and the rhythm of their hips, but the close proximity and intimacy. He felt naked in front of Baekhyun for the first time in months and it felt right. Falling asleep with Baekhyun in his arms and his scent on his skin, surrounded in the aftermath of their passion felt right. Something he’s confident he killed right when it started to regrow.

 

And he can only blame himself.

 

Instead of waking up each day and coming home to their love nest, he relishes in the few interactions they do have in the destruction of what they are, counting down the moments until Baekhyun leaves him or he stops being selfish and releases Baekhyun so he can find better.

 

A man who won’t incite their demise then refuse to let go.

 

When he hears his stop being called, he wipes away the tears wetting his cheeks and pulls up his hoodie. As soon as he sees his apartment complex, however, they return.

 

* * *

 

 

Chanyeol unlocks the door slowly and steps inside. He breathes a sigh of relief when he sees that the apartment is dark. Once his shoes are off, he switches on the light and makes his way to the kitchen.

Once he sets the bag on the counter, he jumps when his name is called. Clear and soft.

“B-Baekhyun, I, uh didn’t know you were still awake.” Chanyeol takes a glimpse behind him and can see Baekhyun is on the couch, staring at him with an undefinable expression. He turns back towards the counter and removes the packed food from the bag.

“Chanyeol, I really want to talk to you about something.”

His blood runs cold at Baekhyun’s words.

“Mom made us some dishes. She said there was some extra rice and cooked vegetables during the late shift so she put this together for us.” His hands shake as he moves the containers to the fridge. He keeps his back to Baekhyun. He can’t bear to look at him, and face their upcoming fight, one that would ultimately lead to Baekhyun having enough and him not strong enough to convince him to stay.

“Chanyeol, please look at me,” Baekhyun’s voice is quiet and uncharacteristically calm.

His plead to just get the conversation over with and not prolong the inevitable is cut short when he feels a hand on his bicep. He turns around to face the shorter and he can see that his eyes are puffy and his face is swollen.

“Chanyeol, I don’t want to fight anymore. I miss you, I miss you a lot.”

Chanyeol’s eyes widen in shock, and partially relief, from Baekhyun’s words. Baekhyun’s eyes dart about his face, taking in his appearance.

“Did you get my call?”

Chanyeol stiffens at the question and the hand pressing into his arm doesn’t help.

 

Chanyeol saw the incoming call while on break, but skipped it since he couldn’t bare another conversation like the one they had before, and before he thought better of it, he missed the call and was called back onto his shift.

 

“You called me again? My phone died a few hours ago so I didn’t get it.” The lie tastes bitter in his mouth.

 

_I can’t complain. I shouldn’t make him feel that he’s doing too much, or not enough. Don’t pity me. I don’t want an apology for your behavior, because I deserved it._

“Why are you avoiding me, Chanyeol?” Baekhyun’s voice is light despite the weight of the question.

“I-I’m not! It’s just…” Chanyeol sputters to find an answer, an excuse, to his behavior. He’s not avoiding him, but doing what he feels is best. In a perfect world he would love to see more of Baekhyun, but the world is not and neither is he.

Baekhyun walks forward until their chests are nearly touching, “What is it? Tell me.”

Chanyeol looks around the room as if he’ll find an answer in the corners of his apartment until his line of vision lands on Baekhyun again. When their eyes meet once more, his eyes widen a fraction and his mouth falls open in surprise.

“Baekhyunnie, did something happen when I was gone?”

Panic begins to consume Chanyeol when he sees that Baekhyun’s eyes are dark and lack the liveliness that always shone through.

“Why are you evading my questions? I just…I just want to go back to the way we were and we can’t do that if we’re harboring negative feelings for each other.” The hand that was on Chanyeol’s bicep snakes up to the side of his face, cradling his cheek. Chanyeol resists the urge to revel in the rare expression of affection.

“Baek—”

“—Why were you crying?”

Chanyeol freezes at the question and stares at his boyfriend’s face in shock.

“W-why do you look like that?”

Baekhyun twists his face in confusion and the hand on Chanyeol’s cheek falls to the black hoodie he is wearing, “Look like what?”

“Like—” Chanyeol blinks a few times as he searches for the correct word.

“—I’m lonely.” Baekhyun finishes his statement with a despondent voice.

Chanyeol remains quiet as Baekhyun’s confession sinks in. His eye dart to different parts of Baekhyun’s face in the process. There is a sadness present on Baekhyun’s face, taking over his bubbly personality.

_I did that too, didn’t I?_

“Why were you crying, Chanyeol?” Baekhyun takes a step forward where their chests are touching and wraps his arms around Chanyeol’s torso. Chanyeol gasps at the touch and hesitates to wraps his arms around his boyfriend.

Chanyeol isn’t sure if the fatigue and stress is finally catching up to him but the dam breaks before he could catch himself.

“Because…I was upset that—I was afraid that, maybe, you didn’t want to be with me anymore. I know that I’m working a lot right now but, with one paycheck, it’s hard, especially with—”

“—I’ll get a job. The supermarket up the street might rehire me, if not I’ll—”

 _“_ —It hasn’t even been six months,” Chanyeol cuts in with an intensity born of rehashed feelings, however, as soon as the comment leaves his mouth, regret instantly appears on his face.

“Baekhyunnie, I didn’t mean it like—”

Baekhyun becomes quiet at Chanyeol’s comment. Baekhyun’s arms around Chanyeol’s torso tightens and he pushes himself even further into him.

Chanyeol gasps at their close proximity, “Baekhyunnie, why are you like this? What happened? Your eyes, they’re so— dark. You can tell me what happened, I can...” Chanyeol’s voice is heavy and thick due to his fatigue.

Baekhyun buries his head in Chanyeol’s hoodie, “Chanyeollie, I really want to make up.”

Chanyeol’s heart speeds up and when he looks down, all he can see is a mop of dark hair. He begins to melt into the embrace then stops himself before he got too comfortable.

“Baekhyun, what happened?” Chanyeol grabs Baekhyun’s shoulders to try to pry him off himself enough so he can see his face; Baekhyun shakes his head in response.

Chanyeol frowns at the current predicament.

 

_Other than the night a couple of days ago, when was the last time you held me like this?_

“I decided that I didn’t want to fight anymore, so now we’re not,” Baekhyun muffles into Chanyeol’s black hoodie, “let’s make up.”

Chanyeol’s heart goes erratic at _let’s make up_.

 

_He…he wants to make up with me?_

Baekhyun removes his face from the hoodie and looks up at Chanyeol. He removes his hands from Chanyeol’s waist and grabs his boyfriend’s face. He stands on his toes and brings their faces closer. Chanyeol retracts his head once he realizes Baekhyun’s intentions.

“Baekhyunnie, what are you doing?” Chanyeol’s voice comes out as a whisper.

“Making up with you.”

Because of their height difference, Baekhyun can only go so far, and as a result, he falls short, “Chanyeollie, why won’t you—”

“—Because you’re not okay! I can’t—”

_Don’t do this to me._

 “—Keep me company. Please.” Baekhyun’s voice is soft in his plea. His slender fingers slowly rub the sides of Chanyeol’s face.

_I don’t want to leave you alone._

Chanyeol’s face softens, “…Baekhyunnie, I—we don’t have to—”

“—but I want to.”

Baekhyun moves his head to the side and tries to reach for Chanyeol again, “And I know you want to. I want to make up so we can go back to how we were.”

Their lips connect in a kiss that communicates Baekhyun’s honest feelings.

_He wants to be with me._

_He chooses me._

The kiss takes a fiercer turn when Chanyeol breaks it, only for Baekhyun to chase after his lips. Baekhyun moves a hand to the nape of Chanyeol’s neck, bringing him down to his level, and effectively deepening the kiss. Their lips move in a hunger for each other, and before they knew it, Baekhyun was sitting on the counter with Chanyeol in-between his legs. Once Chanyeol felt a tongue on his lower lip, he breaks away, only for Baekhyun to start kissing down his neck, with great difficulty thanks to the hoodie.

Chanyeol gasps, “Baekhyunnie, what are you—”

“I want you. I want you so bad.” The need present in Baekhyun’s voice makes Chanyeol hard, faster than what he would like to admit. He continues to nip at Chanyeol’s Adam Apple.

“But we don’t need to—”

The rut of Baekhyun’s hips and the much desired friction to both their nether-regions leaves Chanyeol’s mouth agape, a moan flowing past his swollen lips.

“Baek—” Chanyeol’s voice breaks.

Baekhyun’s hands move to the small of Chanyeol’s back, from under his hoodie, and presses him further into himself. His legs wrap tight around Chanyeol’s waist.

With his head perched on Chanyeol’s shoulder and a hand leaving his boyfriend’s lower back to his upper back, closer to his neck, he moans softly, “—We’re making up. Don’t you want to make up with me?”

Their hips find a rhythm and at each push and pull, Chanyeol finds himself leaning closer to “Yes” rather than “No, we probably shouldn’t.”

Chanyeol fights a moan with each buck of his boyfriend’s hyperactive lower body. “We—we don’t have to, ah, do it—do it this way.”

A particularly loud moan in Chanyeol’s ear and nails raking down his back has him moaning boyfriend’s name, allowing lust to cloud his mind.

Baekhyun gasps, “Take us to our room.”

Chanyeol moves his head from the curve of Baekhyun’s neck and sees how red his face and watery his eyes are.

“Baekhyunnie.”

“I want to make love to you.”

 

* * *

 

Chanyeol’s head hits the pillow with each inch of himself entrapped by Baekhyun’s heat. He hisses at the feel and groans once their hips meet. Hands smooth up his chest, moving the fabric of his undershirt in the process.

With his head hung low, Baekhyun groans lowly, “Chanyeollie.”

His naked thighs reposition themselves and hugs Chanyeol’s hips tightly. With the first roll, Chanyeol head sinks deeper into the pillow, with the second and third, his hands find purchase on Baekhyun’s shifting hips, and once a rhythm is established, his eyes lull back and soft gasps escape his mouth.

“Chanyeol…look at me.”

When Chanyeol regains his focus and looks up at his boyfriend, slowly but surely bringing the both to ecstasy, the look of adoration is present on his face. From his eyes alone, they spill the ‘I love yous’ he was hiding inside. Chanyeol bucks up on Baekhyun’s down stroke and the pleasured gasp that escapes the smaller’s mouth fills him up with a pride.

Baekhyun’s head falls back and he bounces in earnest, all the while groaning Chanyeol’s name. Once Chanyeol started to meet each thrust, however, the groans turned into heated pants.

“Mmh, right there.”

“Baekhyun, look at me.”

The bouncing male droops down until he is on his elbows. Because of the new angle, Chanyeol aids Baekhyun with the roll of his hips by pulling him onto himself, relinquishing moans from the smaller.

“Chanyeol, oh fuck yes!”

Baekhyun squirms and wiggles until his head finds purchase in the curve of Chanyeol’s neck, sucking the pulse there.  Chanyeol flips them both on the other side the bed with him on top and Baekhyun writhing beneath him. In this new position, Chanyeol fucks into Baekhyun leaving the latter exposed to his thrusts. The smaller arches his back and grips the sheets around him, spreading his legs wider to better accommodate Chanyeol bringing the both of them to completion.

“Baek, you feel so good.”

Baekhyun then reaches, or tries, to pull off Chanyeol’s tank top. Getting the message, Chanyeol changes the angle to one of ninety degrees, leaving Baekhyun breathless, exposing his firm stomach to the air. He then leans down, changing the angle again, and shimmies his jeans and boxers from his calves.

“Oh God—” Nails rake down Chanyeol’s back, angry streaks of red decorating the skin.

The bed squeaks obscenely with the fluid—and now pounding—thrusts.

They meet for a kiss, tongues dancing with each other. With a particularly hard thrust, they detach and Chanyeol finds solace in the curve of Baekhyun’s neck, grunting out his cries of pleasure. In between their bodies, Baekhyun slinks a hand in-between and works on himself. His thighs hug Chanyeol’s hips and they continue to move as one entity, searching for heighten friction.

Babbles of “I love you” and “I missed you” escapes Baekhyun’s mouth as his voice rises in pitch.

When Baekhyun tightens unexpectedly, Chanyeol cums without warning, gasping his boyfriend’s name.

With the surge of hot liquid, Baekhyun cums on his stomach. His thighs continue to shake long after their hips cease and the euphoria fades.

After some time, Chanyeol sits up, sliding out of Baekhyun. He searches for his phone in his discarded jeans and cringes at the time.

“Chanyeollie, you came in me again.”

As Chanyeol moves off the bed, in search of a rag to clean Baekhyun up. The latter reaches an arm out stopping him in his tracks.

“Lay with me.”

Chanyeol pauses and the look Baekhyun sends him makes his heart lurch.

“But Baek, we should clean up first.”

The older shakes his head childishly and raises his arms up until Chanyeol complies. The couple falls asleep with hushed whispers of “I love you” and “I love you too.” Baekhyun’s “I’m sorry” that floated off his lips before he fell asleep causes the ache to return in Chanyeol’s chest.

_Don’t._

 

* * *

 

The room is dark when Chanyeol enters. Unlike yesterday, when he came home from his late shift, Baekhyun wasn’t there waiting up for him. Because of yesterday’s events he wasn’t sure if that was a good or bad thing. Thinking about their text messages from earlier, stating Baekhyun was upset would be an understatement with how he stopped responding after he informed the smaller that he would be coming home late, again. He thinks better of the situation and decides to shower.

_His behavior from yesterday is still…_

_Is he trying to avoid conflict?_

 

* * *

 

 

Free of the bathroom, Chanyeol moves towards the bed and lifts the top comforter when he hears his name.

“Chanyeol.”

He freezes and stares at Baekhyun’s back.

“Chanyeol…are you just getting in?”

_Fuck._

“Ah, no…I just came from the shower.”

He can see Baekhyun sit up and check his phone, which illuminates the frown on his face.

“How long were you in the shower?” His voice is flat.

“I’m not entirely sure.”

There is a pause and then Baekhyun shifts and faces Chanyeol.

“Get in bed.”

Chanyeol hesitates for a moment before getting into bed and watching Baekhyun cautiously. When the smaller scoots closer and hugs him, Chanyeol freezes.

“Baekhyunnie?”

“I missed you today.”

“…I’m sorry about—”

“—I know. You don’t have to say it.”

Chanyeol grimaces at the tone of Baekhyun’s voice.

_He’s angry._

“Baek—” Baekhyun interrupts him with a kiss.

_What._

_What?_

Chanyeol breaks the impromptu kiss with a hand on Baekhyun’s shoulder.

“Baekhyun, what are you doing?”

The man in question sends Chanyeol an unidentifiable look then straddles his hips.

“Baek—”

“—Did you miss me while you were at work?”

“Of course I—”

“—Then why did you come home so late?”  
“Baek—”

“—You told me that you loved me last night.” Chanyeol’s reply dies on his lips with the roll of Baekhyun’s hips.

Baekhyun continues, “Why are coming home after midnight when your mom’s restaurant closes at 10?” He rolls his hips in earnest causing the bed to squeak.

Chanyeol gasps, “Baek, what are you—”

Baekhyun seethes, “Where were you?”

“Work—”

“—I forgave you for last night and the next day you come home even _later_?”

“Baek, I—”

Baekhyun ruts harder against Chanyeol’s hips, “I don’t want to fight with anymore. If you’re still blaming me for happened I—”

Chanyeol pushes Baekhyun off of him. The latter falls onto his side on the other side of the bed.

“Chanyeol, what the—”

“—What’s wrong with you?” Chanyeol watches Baekhyun with wide eyes.

_Did I do this, too?_

“What’s wrong with me? What wrong with you?” Baekhyun bounces back up, completely on the defensive.

“Baekhyunnie, I’m not comfortable with this, not anymore more.”

Baekhyun freezes and starts slowly, “…Comfortable with what?”

“I’m worried about you, about us.”

Baekhyun breathes a sigh of relief and moves his head to the side.

“Your behavior is erratic and you won’t talk to me and ever since—”

“—December?’

Chanyeol swallows thickly, “…Yes. We haven’t been the same.”

“…Do you still blame me for what happened?”

“Baek, I—Of course not!”

A silence falls between the two.

“…Baekhyunnie, are you like this because of my work schedule?”

It is obvious that his strenuous work schedule is a huge roadblock within their relationship, but that doesn’t explain his behavior and how empty he looked the day before.

_You’re still not okay after what happened, are you?_

The question dies on his tongue.

“Yes.”

Chanyeol frowns at Baekhyun’s answer.

_That’s not all, isn’t it?_

“It’s…it’s difficult to be in this apartment by myself sometimes. Kyungsoo and I went out today, but sometimes, who I need keeping me company is you.”

Chanyeol reaches out for Baekhyun and embraces him. “I don’t like you staying in the apartment alone either, but after what happened when you returned to the supermarket—”

“—I know.” There is a sadness present in Baekhyun’s voice.

“Baekhyunnie, is that why you threw yourself at me? Because of…”

“It’s the only time when it’s like old times. I just wanted to be closer to you.”

“You don’t—we don’t have to—”

“—It was the only time you gave me any type of attention other than worrying about every little thing that I do.”

Sensing some animosity in Baekhyun’s voice, he remains silent.

 _The last tim_ e _I became too self-absorbed with my own problems, everything fell apart, but I’m doing it again._

The couple stays quiet for a while, enjoying each other’s company for the first time in months.

After a while, Baekhyun confesses, “I love you.”

Chanyeol smiles softly, “I love you too, Baekhyunnie.”

“Chanyeollie…do you work tomorrow morning?”

Chanyeol tightens his hold on Baekhyun, “I’ll call in sick.”

He can feel Baekhyun relax in his arms, and ultimately, fall asleep.

 

 

 

 

 

AYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY I'M BACK AFTER LIKE 3 MONTHS! I'm not giving up on this fic but this past semester really, really destroyed me. There will be EVEN MORE drama in the next part (this is a two parter) Anyway, Happy Holidays and stay warm!

See you! (*•̀ᴗ•́*) و ̑̑

 

Let’s be friends!

Follow me here on my [ship blog](http://yeolhyunabode.tumblr.com/). Don’t be afraid to send me a message and talk to me!!


	10. Take-Out Pt. 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> More on Chanyeol's POV. Secrets are revealed (hopefully)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You all are probably gonna fight me because of this chapter. I know I would. I'm so tired and I'm dying but I was determined to get this out!!!
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> What is grammar and English?
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> Also remember when I was witty and I threw in symbols and motifs and stuff? Me neither this chapter is sponsored by the number pain and suffering. 
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> UnBetaed

There is a pip in Chanyeol’s step, walking side by side with Baekhyun. The last few days have been peaceful since their talk.  He makes sure that he takes smaller steps so he can remain in step with his petite, and currently more bubbly, boyfriend. With each street lamp they pass, it illuminates the stray strands of Baekhyun’s dark hair, emphasizing its brown undertones, all the while, catching the vivacity that has been missing from Baekhyun’s eyes. The mid-spring air is comfortable, perfect for the late trek from the bus stop to their apartment complex.

“—It was nice of your mom to gift us with alcohol.” Baekhyun gestures to the bags of beers in one of Chanyeol’s hands and the bottles of hard liquor in the other.

Chanyeol takes another glance to his left to see a light smile on Baekhyun’s face. The hair strands bounce on the atop of Baekhyun’s head with each step the smaller takes.

 

There is still a darkness lurking in the sparkle of his eyes.

 

“Mmh, it’s because she hasn’t seen you in a while and it is your birthday, well, tomorrow is.” Chanyeol stares forward and he spots their apartment up ahead, “She said she had overflow too.”

Baekhyun grabs the plastic bag out of Chanyeol’s left hand and replaces it with his. He closes the gap until they are walking right next to each other where the material of Chanyeol’s black hoodie and the hoodie that Baekhyun ‘borrowed’ are mushed together. Their steps are slower but more in tune.

“Baekhyun—”

“—We should play a drinking game tonight. We haven’t had this much alcohol at the apartment in a while.”

Chanyeol’s comment of, “We’re having lunch with your parents tomorrow. I don’t think that is the best idea,” dies on his lips at Baekhyun’s smirk.

He nods in response and Baekhyun cozies up closer to him.

After a peaceful silence, Baekhyun whispers, “Chanyeollie?”

His voice is distant despite their proximity.

“Hm?” Chanyeol looks down and catches Baekhyun staring at him. He flickers between his boyfriend’s gaze and the path in front of them to make sure they don’t run into anything.

“Thank you for spending time with me today, and for the past few days.”

A small frown graces Chanyeol’s lips.

_Why do you keep thanking me?_

“It’s me who should be thanking you. I’m the one who was neglecting you with my work schedule.” Chanyeol tries to keep a light amusement in his voice that may or may not have came off as forced as it was.

Baekhyun breaks their eye contact and watches as their apartment comes into view. The smile on his face morphs into something of indifference as if his mind is whirling with an unpleasant thought.

“Chanyeol…why do you work so much?” His voice lacks its previous humor.

Chanyeol stiffens at Baekhyun’s question. He peeks down at the smaller to see if he has noticed but he continues to stare ahead, hopefully unaware.

“To make money. You’re not—there’s one less pay—less money coming in than before.” Chanyeol stutters to find the correct wording in order to avoid  _that_  conversation.

_I’m still paying off your hospital bill._

“Before I stopped working, your paycheck alone was enough to pay all of our bills. My jobs were to help save up for a bigger place, preferably a house. Unless,” Baekhyun’s voice is flat, “there’s something else.”

Chanyeol glances down at Baekhyun and can see him staring at him. They reach the entrance of their complex but don’t walk inside.

“Baekhyun—”

“—I asked your mom about your work schedule while you were finishing up with your shift and she told me that you’ve taken additional shifts on your off days but she never lets you work the entire work day—”

“—Baek—”

“—Are you,” Baekhyun’s demeanor changes at the upcoming topic, his voice is low and he stares at their hands between them, “visiting those lounges again?”

“Baekhyunnie.”

“So you are.”

“No! Of course not!” Chanyeol breaks their closeness by taking a step back.

Baekhyun keeps his grip on Chanyeol’s hand in the process. The bottles of alcohol clink in the plastic bags.

“Then where are you going?”

There is a sadness present in Baekhyun’s voice and a pain laced in his question, pain he put there.

With a breath, Chanyeol starts off slowly, “I…I got another job.”

Baekhyun’s eyes widen and his mouth opens in shock, “Why didn’t—”

“—Because I knew how you would react.”

Baekhyun cocks his head to the side in confusion, “What do you mean how—”

“—I know you. You’ll end up feeling worthless then you’ll go and get a job—”

“—And that’s bad why?”

“Because that’s what happened when you had your nervous breakdown at the store down the street! You’ll push yourself into something when you’re not ready to try to help me when I don’t need any help—”

“—But you do! All I do is sit in the apartment all day while you work and—”

“—You’re doing it now!”

“—Doing what? Trying to help you? Trying not to burden you?”

Chanyeol remains quiet and watches as Baekhyun’s eyes flicker back and forth. The few bystanders that are out wandering the streets stop and watch the two. He steals glances between them and Baekhyun in the hopes they get the message to move along. If they do, they ignore it and continue eavesdropping either out of concern or curiosity.  

“Chanyeol, talk to me. Please, I…”

“We shouldn’t have this conversation here.”

“What conversation? The one where you can’t tell me why you kept your second job from me?”

“Baekhyun.”

“Why do you have it? Where are you working? For how long have you had it?

Baekhyun continues after Chanyeol remains silent, “I told you I’m okay. My body is okay—”

“—Is your mind okay?”

Chanyeol watches as Baekhyun’s eyes widen in shock before masking it with indifference.

_It’s not._

With a dry chuckle, Baekhyun starts, “Of course it is! I’ve,” he breaks their eye contact and finishes with less confidence, “I’ve moved past it.”

Chanyeol’s lips part to retort but he exhales from his nose instead. He turns to walk inside their complex jerking Baekhyun with him along the way.

 

 

* * *

 

 

After returning to the apartment without a word spoken between them, Baekhyun ushers Chanyeol over to the table, or more like pushed Chanyeol into a chair at the table, and pours two glasses of whatever bottle is closest to him.

“Baekhyun, we can talk more about what happened downstairs.”

Baekhyun finishes pouring two glasses of the dark liquid and hands Chanyeol a glass.

Chanyeol stares at the glass before meeting Baekhyun’s eyes. “Baekhyunnie—”

“—Drink with me.”

With the glass now in his hand, Chanyeol stares at Baekhyun as he takes his first sip, winces, but ultimately continues downing the liquor.  
“Baek—”

“—We can drink as we talk. I said I wanted to play a drinking game,” he refills his glass so he and Chanyeol have the same amount, “whenever we hear something we don’t agree with, we drink.”

“Oh,” Chanyeol stares down at the glass, “Why did you just take a drink just now?”

“Because I didn’t like you calling me ‘Baekhyunnie.’”

Mildly offended, Chanyeol takes a sip before wincing as well, albeit more dramatically, and finishing his drink in one large gulp.

“Why did you do that?”

“Because I didn’t like you not liking me calling you ‘Baekhyunnie.’”

Baekhyun rolls his eyes but refills Chanyeol’s glass.

“Why did you hide your second job from me?”

“Like I said, you’ll end up getting a job you’re not ready for—”

A gasp interrupts Chanyeol’s explanation and when he looks up, he sees Baekhyun pouring himself a third glass.

“I don’t agree,” Baekhyun comments, setting his glass on the table.

“What if one of us ends up drunk before we finish our conversation?” Chanyeol watches as Baekhyun’s cheeks turn red and in response, watch him unzip the oversized hoodie.

Baekhyun shrugs his shoulders. “I don’t know—where do you work?”

“I didn’t finish talking from before—”

Another gasp interrupts Chanyeol and he watches as Baekhyun pours his fourth glass.

“I don’t agree.”

“Baekhyun—”

“—Why did you get the second job? My hospital bill was paid off with our savings for our house, right? I’m not gonna dick around and get myself in trouble again. I know my limits.”

“You just had three glasses of,” Chanyeol grabs the liquor and reads the label, “of ‘Royal Hennessy. Cognac,’ in under ten minutes.”

Baekhyun pulls off the oversized hoodie, with great difficulty, and takes a sip from his glass.

“You know, Park Chanyeol, before everything happened, you would be three drinks deep with me around this time.”

“I’m trying to hold a conversation with you.”

Baekhyun stands for no real reason and paces around the table, “If you were, you wouldn’t be avoiding my questions and I wouldn’t be here drinking my feelings away on my almost-birthday.”

“What are your feelings?” Chanyeol watches Baekhyun carefully. Despite his alcohol intake, he caught on to him fast.

_How am I supposed to tell you that I don’t want you stressing over the finances without you being impulsive?_

When Baekhyun makes his way around the table towards Chanyeol, he grabs the bottle and returns to his seat. He downs his fourth drink and pours his fifth.

“Baekhyunnie!”

“Slow down, I can’t take two drinks back to back right now.”

“—What?”

“Three.”

“Baek—”

“—I should just down the entire bottle, I don’t agree with anything you’re doing right now.” Baekhyun’s speech is slurred and he starts swaying from side to side.

Chanyeol stands and glides over towards Baekhyun’s seat. When he reaches out to pick Baekhyun up, the smaller smacks Chanyeol’s hands away.

“I don’t agree with your hands.” Baekhyun holds Chanyeol’s thicker and rougher fingers in his smaller and more elegant ones.

“You need to lie down, I’ll—”

“—I don’t agree with you treating me like I’m a piece of glass or something.” Baekhyun’s breath comes out heavy.

“I’m scared that you’ll end up like how you were months ago. I’m not just talking about the incident at the supermarket but what happened back in December.” Chanyeol confesses, still trying to pick his boyfriend up.

“The doctors said it can’t happen again, so why are you scared?” Baekhyun’s words leave his mouth like acid. Unlike his other drunken quips there is a seriousness to his tone. He grips Chanyeol’s hands as he glowers into Chanyeol’s eyes. His furrowed brows and his red cheeks scream anger, but his eyes speak of the exhaustion and the sadness that came from the truth of that sentence.

With a small voice, Chanyeol supplies, “The doctor said there is still a chance for—”

“—So it’s over. You weren’t there when I heard them whispering over me. They said there was no chance.”

“…Baek, there’s still hope if you want there to be. We didn’t think it could happen the first time because the chances were so slim.”

Baekhyun’s hands slide out of Chanyeol’s and he holds his head down. He mutters, “I don’t agree with this conversation.” His hand ghosts around the table to find his drink but Chanyeol picks up before Baekhyun had a chance to grab it.

“Please, give it to me. Chanyeollie.” He looks up from his lap and his eyes are red and watery.

 “You shouldn’t be drinking.”

Baekhyun’s hands play with the hem of his undershirt and his head lulls toward his shoulder, “So you can stay out late at lounges and drink your sorrows away—”

“—Baekhyun—”

“—but I can’t? At least the drinks are free and I won’t end up—”

“—Don’t.” Chanyeol’s voice is firm.

 Guilt bubbles up from the pit of his stomach as memories of places he shouldn’t have been reappear in front of his eyelids. The bitter taste of the drinks he shouldn’t have bought and the lips he shouldn’t have tasted come back.

“—Don’t what?” Baekhyun stands and sways from side to side. He grabs Chanyeol’s drink from across the table and downs it before Chanyeol could stop him. “Make you remember? You can barely stand some teenager next door ogling me without throwing a fit but I—I can’t bring up how I felt when I found out you kissed someone else? Drunk or not.”

Chanyeol remains silent and looks off to the side, unable to meet Baekhyun’s eyes because he’s right. He can’t say anything. And he shouldn’t stop him. No matter how many times he apologizes or tries to excuse his actions, he can’t. He can’t because he shouldn’t have been there in the first place. Instead drinking away his feelings like Baekhyun is currently trying to do, he should have faced them. Maned up, took responsibility, did something other than escaping to a random bar after work to avoid coming home and dealing with the broken pieces of their relationship.

_I had to mourn alone while taking care of our household._

_I didn’t know how to deal with the stress._

_But it shouldn’t have been like that._

“Baek—”

“—But I’m not completely innocent here either, aren’t I?” Chanyeol meets Baekhyun’s gaze and sees a runaway tear cascading down his face.

Chanyeol takes a step towards Baekhyun as another tear from his eyes falls.

“I left you to deal with everything alone. I pushed you and locked myself away,” His face breaks as the tears he tried to hold back spill from his eyes, “This is all my fault. I made you deal with my mistake—”  
Chanyeol interrupts Baekhyun with an embrace. Hands smooth up Chanyeol’s back and grips the material there. He can hear muffled apologies and small sobs.

Chanyeol tightens his grip on Baekhyun.

_Don’t._

 

 

* * *

 

 

 

“Chanyeollie.”

Chanyeol sits up and checks the time from his phone. It reads 1:12 am.

“Do you need to use the bathroom again? Are you about to get sick?” He reaches over Baekhyun’s body to turn on the lamp on top of the nightstand.

Baekhyun moves to lie on his back and watches Chanyeol’s movements.

“It’s my birthday.”

Chanyeol lies on his stomach and rests his head in his palm.

“Happy Birthday Baekhyunnie.” There is a light smile on Chanyeol’s face and his eyes are still puffy from sleep, “You should sleep. We’re still meeting up with your parents for lunch, right?”

“What if I don’t want to sleep?”

“Baek—”

“—Do you think I woke you up just so you would say Happy Birthday to me?”

“...Are you still drunk?”

“Would you make me drink more water if the answer was yes?”

“Baek.”

“I want to ask you something.” Baekhyun rearranges himself on the bed so his back is to the headboard and his hands are in his lap.

Chanyeol’s eyes follow his movement and he nods. “Okay.”

Baekhyun plays with fingers, “Did—when you met her, did you want to sleep with her?”

“Baek—”

“—When I woke you up last, I couldn’t stop thinking about it and—”

_Is that why you woke me up?_

Chanyeol sits up to where he facing Baekhyun on the other side of the bed, “—I wasn’t trying to replace you if that’s what you’re getting at.”

_She gave me the attention I didn’t know I craved and it went too far._

“Was it a good kiss?” Baekhyun’s eyes leave his twirling fingers and he stares at Chanyeol with an unidentifiable expression on his face.

“Wouldn’t know, it only happened once.”

“You knew I was the one after our first kiss.”

“We’re different.”

_That wasn’t the first time I kissed her._

“Oh. Did you touch her tits?” Baekhyun makes a hand motion at his chest to indicate where his boobs would be if he had any.

“Why are we talking about this? Ever since we got home we’ve been fighting and I don’t want to do this to you on your birthday.”

Baekhyun lays his hands flat against his chest, “I’m just curious. You never touch mine.”

“You don’t have boobs, Baekhyun. You don’t touch mine either.”

“I didn’t know you wanted me to.”

Chanyeol moves to push Baekhyun down on the bed and turn off the lamp but a hand stops him.

“Baek—”

“—Touch mine.”

Chanyeol freezes and watches Baekhyun carefully, “…What?”

“It’s my birthday, just,” Baekhyun takes one of Chanyeol’s hands and slides it under his T-shirt. When Chanyeol’s hand makes contact with Baekhyun’s nipple, the latter shivers, “like that.” With his head, Baekhyun gestures for Chanyeol’s other hand to do the same.

“Baek.” Chanyeol moves to sit in front of Baekhyun and slides his other hand under his shirt.

“Touch me.”

Hesitant at first, Chanyeol massages the area before focusing on the pert nipples underneath the shirt. Baekhyun’s breath becomes heavy as small gasps leave his mouth.

“I thought you didn’t like this?”

“Maybe the alcohol made me sensitive—don’t stop.” Baekhyun slides and rearranges his legs from under the comforter. He slides down the bed, bringing Chanyeol with him--until he is flat on the mattress.

In this new position, Baekhyun slides his arms to Chanyeol’s neck, pushing him down until their lips connect. The kiss is soft and their lips move with familiarity. When Chanyeol twists one of the nipples between his thumb and forefinger, Baekhyun arches into the body above him and moans into the kiss. They part and Baekhyun wraps a leg around Chanyeol’s waist. He starts a slow, burning grind between their nether-regions. Chanyeol dives back into the pleasure of Baekhyun’s mouth where their tongues dance with each other. Baekhyun’s hands leave Chanyeol’s neck to find purchase on the sides of the latter’s face, taking control of the kiss. Their hips find a rhythm so when they part, with a trail of saliva connecting the two, they moan with the other’s name ghosting their lips. When Chanyeol rolls the nipples with his thumbs in a circular motion, Baekhyun’s head hits the pillow and his other leg that has been idle on the bed curves around Chanyeol waist. The smaller moves his arms above his head in order to give his boyfriend more access to his chest.

“Suck on them.” The demand is light and airy.

Chanyeol shimmies down Baekhyun’s body and lifts up Baekhyun’s T-shirt to his neck. With the first lick, he can feel Baekhyun stiffen as his nipple hardens further due to its exposure to the cool air. With the second, third, and fourth, muffled grunts spill from his mouth. A whine cuts through Baekhyun’s throat when he switches to the other nipple, licking around the areola and soaking the soft skin with his spit. Once he’s done, Chanyeol sits up on his knees and moves his hips flush against Baekhyun’s pelvis so they can resume their torturous grinding.

“Ch-Chanyeol fuck me, oh god.”

“You don’t want to top?” Honest disbelief leaks from Chanyeol’s voice.

Baekhyun sends him a dirty look in response.

“We always used to switch but no matter what, you always topped on your birthday.”

Baekhyun continues with the look before stating, “Hurry up and stretch me for your dick.”

Chanyeol grabs the lube and the fresh box of condoms from the nightstand.

“Is this why you didn’t buy any for yourself?” Chanyeol questions as he drags Baekhyun’s sweatpants and boxers down and off.

Baekhyun wordlessly spreads his legs.

“What are we going to do about next time?”

“Chanyeol.” There is an edge to Baekhyun’s tone despite how soft it sounded in the small room.

Getting the message, Chanyeol coats his middle and index finger with lube and starts prodding Baekhyun’s entrance.

“Chanyeol, I want to try something.”

“Hmm?”

“Jongdae,” Baekhyun inhales as one of Chanyeol’s fingers finally enter him, “told me about this thing he recently tried.”

“Why are we talking about him when—”

“—I want to cum untouched, apparently it's amazing.”

Chanyeol sticks his second finger inside Baekhyun and thrusts them in and out in an effort to loosen him up faster.

“Why did he just tell you that?”

Baekhyun’s hands fist the sheets and he closes his eyes. “I told him that we started having sex again while we were at lunch the other day.” His mouth parts for a moan and he wiggles his hips.

Chanyeol’s fingers follow Baekhyun’s squirms and bends whenever he thinks he found the spot. His cheeks redden in embarrassment, “Why did you just tell him that?”

Baekhyun ignores the question with a gasp, “Chanyeollie, a little bit deeper.”

He starts thrusting his fingers harder and deeper into Baekhyun, “Baek—”

The smaller arches his back grinds himself harder on Chanyeol’s fingers and gasps, “—oh shit, right there! It’s right there!”

Chanyeol removes his fingers and pulls the waist band of his sweatpants down until his dick springs free.

With heavy breaths, Baekhyun pants, “Because he’s my best friend and I wanted him to know that we’re doing better.”

Opening the new condom box, Chanyeol pulls out a foil packet, “You could have just said, ‘we’re doing better.’”

“There’s a difference between being okay and fucking—You don’t need that.”

Chanyeol stops tearing open the packet and looks at Baekhyun in confusion. “What? I thought you didn’t like it when I came in you?”

“What if I do now?”

Chanyeol throws another look of confusion and connects their hips, “I’m still pulling out.”

“Wouldn’t most guys leap for joy if they could cum in someone? I would and have.” Baekhyun breathes as the tip of Chanyeol’s dick meets his entrance and pushes in.

Careful with his grip on Baekhyun’s hips, he enters slowly and watches as Baekhyun’s face morphs from irritation to pain.

The moment Chanyeol stops, Baekhyun gasps, “Don’t stop.”

“But if it hurts…”

“I’m okay just start off slow.”

Once Chanyeol bottoms out, he leans over Baekhyun’s form and connects their lips in a sweet kiss. He moves from Baekhyun’s mouth to the junction of his jaw and neck, sucking on the skin there.

“Oh fuck,” Baekhyun’s head lolls to the side, giving Chanyeol more access, “Don’t let me touch myself, okay?”

Chanyeol nods and licks a stripe down Baekhyun’s neck after sucking a bruise behind his ear. A dainty hand reaches into Chanyeol’s hair, massaging his scalp. High-pitched whines fall out of Baekhyun’s mouth with each lick and bite. His head hits the pillow and his back arches with Chanyeol’s name on his lips when Chanyeol detaches.

Baekhyun pants softly, “I have to meet my parents for lunch how am I supposed to cover,” his hand lazily touches his neck that is still wet with salvia, “these this up?”

Chanyeol groans into Baekhyun’s neck with a smile on his face, “Happy Birthday, Baekhyunnie.” The latter’s face turns pink at the sultry aspect of Chanyeol’s voice with his warm breath on his ear and neck.  

Baekhyun’s reprimand dies on the tip of his tongue and is replaced with a drawn out moan as Chanyeol starts to roll his hips. He sits up, changing the angle, and grabs Baekhyun’s naked thighs, opening them wider.

“Help me find your spot again.” He keeps his thrusts slow and follows every wiggle and buck of Baekhyun’s hips.

Eyes fluttering close, Baekhyun groans, “Deeper. It’s deeper.”

Chanyeol follows the instructions to no avail. “Here?”

Baekhyun shakes his head and meets every slow grinding thrust, “No. I…Just go.”  

His thrusts quickly establish a rhythm and soon enough, Baekhyun is arching off the bed with his fists gripping the sheets and a high pitched whine tearing through his throat.

“There?” Breathless, Chanyeol rolls his hips in quick succession.

Mouth agape, Baekhyun clenches, and nods with fervor.

Their hips smack against one another feeding the need for more friction. Chanyeol abandons his hold on one of Baekhyun’s thighs, that falls limply to the side, and grabs the headboard. The bed squeaks in time of their moans and the headboard hitting the wall.

“Shit, you’re so tight.”

“H-harder.” Baekhyun’s hands move to Chanyeol’s rocking hips in an effort to push him deeper into him.

With his head back and his eyes screwed shut, Chanyeol gasps, “You feel so good, so fucking good.”

“…Chanyeollie.” Baekhyun’s voice rises in pitch with each roll of their hips until their bodies are slamming into each other.

Chanyeol bows forward and catches Baekhyun’s hand sneaking its way up his body to his crying member. He falls onto his elbows and grabs the wandering hand in his, interlocking their fingers. His head finds purchase in the curve of Baekhyun’s sweaty neck and groans into the shell of his ear, making his boyfriend’s cries even louder. The hand not interlocked above his head clutches Chanyeol’s back with his nails gripping the skin.

“Yes! Right there, Chanyeollie! Please don’t—”

“—I know baby, I know.”

“Chanyeol please,” Baekhyun sobs in-between moans, “Let-ah-me, let me touch myself.”

“You said—”

“—I wanna cum, I wanna cum so—ah—fucking bad. You feel so good, Chanyeol.” Babbles leave Baekhyun’s throat as he descends into madness, “You’re—fucking me so good.  Chanyeollie, please, please don’t stop! It’s so good.”

A stirring in Chanyeol gut alerts him of his impeding orgasm and he slows his tempo down. Instead of shallow, quick thrusts, he rolls his hips into Baekhyun slow and deep.

“Don’t slow down, Chanyeol! Faster!” Baekhyun’s nails bite into Chanyeol’s shoulder and his legs wrap around his waist, encouraging him to move faster. He clenches in time with Chanyeol’s thrusts, sucking him further in and heightening the friction.

Broken moans spill from Chanyeol’s throat and his voice rises in pitch as his gut tightens as a familiar sensation threatens to wash over him. He pants openly in Baekhyun’s ear, spurring on the smaller’s near screams, as his hips stutter in an effort to stop. “Baekhyunnie—I’m close, I—if I don’t stop I’m going to cum, I need to—”

“—It’s okay—ah—C-cum in me!”

Chanyeol’s body moves on autopilot and his thrusts become erratic. He gasps sharply as pleasure washes over him when his orgasm hits. Once he is spent, he falls on the lithe body underneath him and sighs in contentment.

He winces with oversensitivity as Baekhyun squirms in desperation. Once he realized what happened, he sits up abruptly, spouting apology after apology. When he pulls out, he grimaces at the cum that spills from Baekhyun’s writhing body.

“Chanyeollie, please—I-I—”

Baekhyun’s hair is stuck to face due to sweat. Tears sit and roam down his cheeks, pooling on the base of his neck. The hand that is still interlocked with Chanyeol’s grips the skin, leaving nail impressions and scratches on the back of his hand. Baekhyun’s eyes are watery and lidded with lust swirling in its depths.  

“—Fuck!” Chanyeol removes his hand from Baekhyun’s and strokes his softening cock only for him to flinch from the sensitivity. “I can’t get back up.”

Baekhyun whines low in his throat in response. “I don’t care about cumming untouched, suck me off—jerk me, I just need to cum.”

Chanyeol looks around frantically until he hops off the bed and pulls a box from under the bed. He takes the vibrator from the box and turns it on then off to make sure it still works.

“H-how did you know that I had that?”

Chanyeol ignores his question and prods his entrance with the toy, pushing it in and angling it until Baekhyun throws his head back against the pillow and writhes.

“Right there?” Chanyeol flips the switch on the bottom to the highest setting.

“Oh fuck, oh  _fuck_. Yes, right there.” Baekhyun closes his eyes and tears at the sheets next to head in an effort to hold onto something. He rides the vibrator in time to Chanyeol’s thrusts and chants, “I’m going to cum, I’m about to cum, oh fuck—oh fuck oh fuck.”

Chanyeol lifts one of Baekhyun’s shaking thighs and sits in between his legs. He sucks on one of his swollen nipples when Baekhyun cums, crying out his name. He thrusts the vibrator in earnest to help Baekhyun ride out his earth shattering orgasm and abandons his grip on his thigh to stroke Baekhyun through it as well. His body goes limp after the pleasure fades and a contentment settles in his limbs. Chanyeol pulls the toy out and tosses it to the side and picks Baekhyun up and out the room to the bathroom.

 

 

* * *

 

 

“My back hurts like hell,” Baekhyun rubs his lower back as he sits on the bed watching Chanyeol find something to cover up the hickeys with by fishing through their drawers and eventually the closet.

“I just did what you wanted me to do.”

“You didn’t have to listen. Take responsibility and find me something to cover these bruises up with.”

Chanyeol stops and turns from the closet to face Baekhyun, “You told me that I was so good that you didn’t want me stop.”

“Clearly you didn’t—We need to leave soon.”

Chanyeol turns back to the closet, “I don’t understand why you can't wear a hoodie or a turtleneck or something.” He pulls out one his old ones and tosses it toward Baekhyun and continues to look for something better.

“It’s hot outside and I want to look good for my parents.”

“They’re your parents,” Chanyeol bends down to look through a box at the bottom of their closet, “I doubt they would care if you had a hickey on your neck—”

“ _HICKEYS!_  As is plural. And I don’t want my parents knowing I do stuff like--that.”

“It’s not like they don’t already know. So you can talk about our sex life with Jongdae in public where he gives you suggestions but you can’t…” Chanyeol trails off when he spots something familiar. He pulls the brown photo album out named, “untitled,” and flips through the pages but stops a few pages in.

“I can’t what?” He can hear Baekhyun’s voice but the sole photo and what is written underneath leaves him speechless.

A shadow appears over him and when he looks up, he can see Baekhyun with a frown on his face and purplish marks all over his neck.

“I can’t what? You didn’t…” Baekhyun’s eyes widen as he catches the photograph and sees what he wrote all those months ago.

They sit in silence for a few moments before Baekhyun retreats and pulls the hoodie that Chanyeol tossed him earlier over his frame. He leaves the room silently after grabbing his phone. Chanyeol takes one last look at the page before closing the book and placing it back in the box. He pushes the box towards the back of his closet.

_I can’t wait to see you, May 20 th!!!_

 

 

 

 

OH SNAP THAT JUST HAPPENED! Hey I’m late and I have to get up and go to class in like 6 hours BUT I FELT A NEED TO POWER THROUGH AND FINISH THIS UP. I’VE BEEN WORKING ON THIS SINCE NEW YEARS. I hope I answered  _some_  questions with this fresh (5000k) update. With the Chanyeol and the whole “that wasn’t the first time I kissed her deal” he didn’t cheat on Baekhyun (other than that one time mentioned) I don’t want to let the cat out of the bag but  ~~he basically ran into an ex~~  (idk if that makes it better tbh) Anyway I’m dying and I hate this but I can finally jump back into Sehun and this love triangle/rectangle/trapezoid that’s about to happen d ~~rama drama drama~~

 

 

~~I’m so tired I hope this make sense I’ll go back edit it later (in a couple of days don’t judge my lack of grammatical skills)~~

 

See you! (*•̀ᴗ•́*) و ̑̑

 

Let’s be friends!

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	11. Yellow Light

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sehun doesn't know what to think of his new development and there's something hiding below the surface. TAOHUN IS BACK!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> All I can say is I'm sorry and I tried and I really don't even know what this chapter is. I don't. I'm straying so far away from my original overarching outline this is an experience we are going through together. I hope it makes sense! I felt the need to get this out so I won't feel as guilty working on my next milestone fic. Hopefully, this chapter answers more than it asks. 
> 
>  
> 
> Unbetaed

Sehun is, he isn’t quite sure how he is. He did not get a lot of sleep the previous night from eavesdropping on his neighbors and realizing things. Notions that he might have fallen for Baekhyun _in that way,_ jealous and thus resents Chanyeol, and he has no type of control of himself. The original plan was for him to confide in Zitao and see what he could make out of all this. Whether if he should embrace his current situation to make the best of it, all the while setting an expectation, or should reject what he feels in favor of turning back into his normal.

_“Whatever happens, remember that it’s okay to feel weak sometimes.”_

A pout replaces Sehun’s blank look. His notebook is empty despite all his classmates writing furiously. The scratch of pen on paper bothers him. Shouldn’t he also take notes? That is what he used to do. Before everything happened. But, no matter how hard he tried to pay attention in class to even write a note he can’t find it in himself to do so.

_Is this weakness?_

He looks up at the board and watches as Mr. Lee wipes it clean only to put another equation over the smeared chalk. Over the previous equation; new but everyone can tell there was one before it and another before that one, giving the rushed strokes a charm. Would the equation be the same if it was written on a fresh board? Cleaner for sure but would he see it the same way?

Sehun’s frown deepens. He blinks the sleep away from his eyes because Mr. Lee is watching him and out of all the things he is currently dealing with, he didn’t want his parents involved. Primarily his father. The same father who had the gall to text such things about his love and appreciation for him, his older brother and younger sister while disrespecting their mother.

The end period bell startles Sehun where he drops his pen on his bare notebook and he sits straighter. Mr. Lee reminds the class about their upcoming assignment and picks up his bag. He sends Sehun a look before leaving. One that communicates, “See me after school ends.”

Sehun continues to stare at the doorway long after Mr. Lee exits. Thoughts of last night and the past week flood his mind. What if Mr. Lee makes him talk about these events and forces him to accept them? That maybe who he thought he was is not someone he is anymore, or possibly, never was.

_It’s okay to feel weak sometimes._

Feeling weak is something Sehun is not comfortable with. He is not entirely sure if he could feel weak. Is weakness admitting to himself what is, is indeed the truth? That he will never return to the security from before? Stop changing? Maybe, change is what he needs. Is that weakness? Will he feel better if he took a back seat and just let things happen? Since every problem has stemmed from change, a transformation he fought against, perhaps he was approaching this all wrong. Really, what is a transformation? Did he even change, or did his view of himself?

“Uh, Sehun, are you okay?”

Sehun blinks a few times and looks up and to his left. Jackson hovers over him. He changed into his summer uniform so he has a short sleeve button up instead of his uniform jacket. His hands are flat on the desk. Sehun feels caged.

“…I guess.”

“You guess?” Jackson leans back and crosses his arms. “First I get a notification that you were tagged in something on Instagram last weekend, me being the person I am thinking maybe, just maybe, you started to return to your old self. You clearly made friends with Zitao, which I am proud of you for by the way. But, then—”

“Where is he?” Sehun leans back in his seat to see that Zitao’s desk is empty.

“He left as soon as the bell rang, he waved at you and everything, but anyway—then you actually score well on our last English quiz, which I am really proud of you by the way too, but now you seem worse than before.”

Sehun stares at Jackson’s face for a few seconds, “Why did you just tell me all of that?”

“Because I’m worried about you! We are worried about you! Look, so Youngjae and I went by your house the other day—”

“—You what?” Sehun coughs to try to cover his outburst and panic with indifference. He holds his hands underneath his desk to hide the precipitation building on them. Heat gathers in his cheeks and his heart rattles in his chest. The rapid beats fill his ears making his head spin. He feels attacked and vulnerable. He tried his damnest to keep this part of his life away from his friends only for it to come out in the open this easily. Is it because he was too absorbed with Baekhyun and his budding feelings for him to see what he looked like to his friends?

“And the strangest thing happened.” Honest confusion spreads across Jackson’s face. His brows knock together and his eyes dart back and forth with the current dump of information as if he’s trying to put the pieces together right then and there, “this girl answered the door. She wasn’t your mom—couldn’t be—had to be like 22, 23 tops. So, we asked her if you were there and she said she didn’t know who you were. She said you sounded familiar and possibly heard your dad say your name in passing a few times. She spoke about your father very informally. She couldn’t be a maid or something, right?” Jackson then focuses his attention to Sehun, “So we asked if we could possibly talk to your mom—which is something we didn’t want to resort to—but then, she referred to your mom as ‘that old whore,’ it was soft but Youngjae and I are confident that—’”

The next period rings at that moment and Mrs. Jung shuffles in. Jackson continues to watch Sehun as he returns to his seat. His eyes scream concern and guilt. Guilt for being in the dark. Zitao crosses the threshold of the classroom and catches Sehun’s frantic look. They share a glance, Zitao also frowning.

_It’s okay to feel weak sometimes._

 

 

* * *

 

 

So far, Sehun and Zitao’s trek to pick Yeri up has been peaceful. Thankfully, Sehun was able to dodge Mr. Lee without incident. On his way out, he ran into Zitao and made a beeline for the school’s exit. Mr. Lee will probably give him hell and _strongly_ assert how important it is that he does go to his office hours next class, but that’s next class.

Between Sehun and Zitao, the atmosphere is odd. There isn’t a better way to coin the dense, whatever is happening, the atmosphere between them other than odd. From their first meeting, up to now during their brief relationship, Zitao was always able to break the ice to help Sehun loosen up.

Sehun looks to his left briefly before returning his eyes back towards the sidewalk.

_I need to keep moving forward._

He steals another peek at his friend and fruitlessly gives up. Apparently, unlike himself, Zitao was harder to read. There is a scowl on his face and his usual charm is absent, but this could be caused by a plethora of reasons.

Sehun checks his phone out of nervous habit and they are surprisingly making good time. They might make it to Yeri’s kindergarten where she is not the last one to be picked up for once.

Sehun bites his bottom lip in thought and sticks his hands into his uniform pants’ pockets.

“H-hey” His voice cracks, “who is that guy I see you with sometimes.”

Zitao looks up and towards Sehun, sharing his pitiful look. 

“Hmm?” Zitao’s eyes are puffy and the color has drained from his face.

“You know, the guy you follow around sometimes and see after school. Who is that?”

Lost in thought, Zitao stares at Sehun for a moment before sudden realization appears on his face. Eyes wide, he turns facing the sidewalk in front of him.

“Oh! You mean Luhan?”

Sehun nods, “Yeah.”

_His name is Luhan._

“He’s my mentor. Since I transferred, my parents urged our school to see if there was someone who could help me make my transition from China to Korea easier available. He’s a student teacher and he teaches a history class for first years.”

“That’s interesting.” Sehun continues to watch Zitao after he finished. Some of the color has returned to his face thankfully but he can’t shake the nagging feeling that something is off. The notion of asking Zitao what is wrong occurs to him, but like himself, he’s not in the mood to talk about his problems either.

“—He’s really pretty right?”

At Zitao’s sudden, but accurate, observation, Sehun finds that Zitao is watching him as well.

“Uh, yes—”

“He always complains that people walk up to him, asking if he’s a model or a real life comic book character from those romance novels. People have even asked him if he was actually a girl since,” Zitao puts his hands up and bends his forefingers as air quotes, “‘a boy can’t be that pretty.’ Also, the occasional, ‘you must’ve gotten a lot of plastic surgery.’”

Unable to come up with a better response, Sehun forces an awkward laugh from his throat, “That’s—”

“—And he’s always asserting how manly he is despite his face, it’s kind of annoying. Like, your outer appearance has nothing to do with your personality. He shouldn’t care about what other people think of him, you know. I don’t know why he puts up with it. It’s wrong to make those types of assumptions about people and it shouldn’t matter, right?”

Sehun nods at Zitao’s wise words.

_The same could go for me, right? I’ve been floating around making nothing but assumptions about Baekhyun when I don’t know him. Why do I even like him? Because he’s pretty?_

Sehun removes his hands from his pockets in favor of crossing his arms against his chest. He scans Zitao’s face and can see that the one of a kind sparkle has returned to Zitao’s eyes.

_I want to see the real him._

The memory of what happened in Chanyeol and Baekhyun’s apartment earlier that week flashes before his eyes.

 

_I want to understand._

The duo falls back into their typical comfortable silence. Zitao a lot perkier than before and Sehun as Sehun. He can see the silhouette of Yeri’s elementary school in the distance.

“Hey SPP,” Sehun clears his throat when his voice cracks yet again, “you said that Luhan helped you acclimate here, right? Do you like it here?”

Sehun swallows his follow-up question of, “How did you find happiness?” in favor of seeming objective and just mildly curious.

Zitao nods at Sehun’s question, “Initially, I didn’t since I was away from home, but after some time passed, I accepted it and started to enjoy it here.” A chuckle bubbles up from Zitao’s chest, “I was actually pretty pissed when I found out where Kris and Junmyeon lived. My dad told me it’ll ‘culture me’ and ‘help me mature’ if I was forced into a situation I wasn’t used to. The idea that this would get better helped me, not to say Luhan wasn’t a huge influence because he was. He told me I should trust my dad and I should try to stay as positive as possible.”

There was a hint of sadness in Zitao’s words that Sehun couldn’t necessarily place but he decides to leave it as it is.

“What if—How did you stay positive all the time?”

Zitao turns to smile at Sehun, “You just gotta believe SCF.”

Sehun scoffs at Zitao’s cheesy response and turns his head to face the other side of the street.

 

 

* * *

 

 

“So, what did Mr. Lee say to you earlier today?” Zitao peers over his small table in his room to get a glance at Sehun currently sitting—or rather—laying down on the opposite side.

As a response, Sehun takes his phone from his sweatpants pocket and places it above and over his face, judging his current built-in wallpaper of a wallflower.

“Is that why you wanted me to come over to work on our project on a Friday night?” Sehun’s tone is monotonous, “So you can be nosy?”

“You didn’t have to come over.”

Sehun blinks at Zitao’s reply because he’s right.

_Work on a Friday night is better than sitting in my room alone with my thoughts._

After a brief pause, Sehun puts his phone away and sits up at the table properly. “He told me if I don’t get my grades up on our next assignment, he’s calling my parents.”

Honestly surprised, Zitao moves his laptop and the current bowl of whatever Junmyeon had in the apartment to the side, “I thought you were doing better?”

Sehun stares down at his fingers, “I was.”

“What happened between last Monday and now?”

Sehun subconsciously winces at the memory from Wednesday night.

_Baekhyun happened._

Zitao asks, “Do you want to talk about it?”

Shaking his head, Sehun continues to study the fine lines of his fingers, “I—We should start on our project, so we can get a good grade.”

Zitao nods, albeit slowly, and places his laptop and the bowl of dried snacks back to their respective places on the table.

“Um,” Zitao taps away at his laptop, opening various word documents and web pages, “Mrs. Jung approved our topic so I asked Junmyeon about the chromosome in depth and—” once he found the desired page, Zitao turns his laptop around towards Sehun, “—we found this.”

Sehun looks up from his hands and inspects the page. He read aloud, “’There have been fewer than one hundred cases reported of the Z chromosome and less than 1% of these cases were fruitful.’”

He screws his eyebrows in confusion and looks up towards Zitao, “Fruitful?”

Zitao only nods at his laptop, “Keep reading.”

“’With proper testing, the XZ chromosome could be beneficial in relation to the manipulation and combination of genes far less complex than sex genes.”

Sehun looks up to check Zitao’s reaction, “I’m still confused about what they mean by ‘fruitful.’”

Zitao rolls his eyes at Sehun inability to read the damn article before asking questions he could very easily get the answers to. “The article is basically saying that this Z chromosome is still fully functional. So, anyone with this gene has attributes and abilities of anybody with the,” he uses both his hands to visually demonstrate the separate chromosomes, “X or Y chromosome. Just that it’s not as potent, I guess.” He puts his hands down and retrieves his laptop from Sehun’s grasp, “The line you just read goes on to say that by studying this gene, humankind can better understand how genetics work or something. But, what I want to know is if you can change your chromosomes after your born.”

Sehun nods at the sudden dump of information, “Why though?”

Eyes wide, Zitao sends Sehun an incredulous look, “Why what? Why I want to know more about it?”

Sehun nods again.

“I think it can help a lot of people with health problems if we can introduce new genes without canceling out the old one. Like, if people who are more likely to get cancer, their genes being changed where their chances are lowered or even destroyed. And I think this sex chromosome could help people who are transgender if chromosome manipulation after development won’t cause you to glitch out or spontaneously combust or something.”

Sudden realization crossing his face, Sehun nods in agreement at Zitao’s statement, “I didn’t think about it like that.”

“Do you ever think?”

“Do you ever stop talking?”

Zitao sneers at Sehun and starts tapping away at his laptop again, “I’m adding this to the PowerPoint. I think all we have left is the paper.”

Sehun sighs and falls back onto the floor. He yawns, “We should take a break.”

“…We just started.”

“It’s Friday and it’s not due for another week.”

There is a brief pause on Zitao’s side of the table then a camera click.

“I’m taking a picture for SNS, what should the caption be?”

“—Dying.”

Zitao huffs but types the overused line anyway.

“Hey…” Sehun starts, “What did the article mean by fruitful?”

“I’m not sure. Since it’s a sex chromosome I’m assuming a biological female can have sperm or a biological male can have eggs or something, but I don’t know how they would know that though. Who would they test? It didn’t go as far as to how they found these one hundred or so people.”

“You said the news talked about someone who had it, right?’

Zitao nods and continues to tap away at his laptop, “Yeah but they didn’t show who it was. Just an ‘In our community, there is, etc., etc.’ then some professional dumbing it down about what it means.” After a few more clicks, Zitao closes his laptop, “And I can’t find it. We have enough information for our project anyway. Maybe it was some girl who masturbated and got herself pregnant. I would joke it could have been one of those, ‘I’m pregnant with Jesus’ type stories except this has actual merit.”

Sehun closes his eyes and tries to process the information, “You also said there aren’t any physical effects of this chromosome, right?”

“Yes. For all we know, you could have it, I could have it. Hell, the person living on the other side of the wall could have it.”

_Like Chanyeol or Baekhyun…_

“Hey again, you remember last week when we went to the store?”

“And it took you like four hours to grab chips but you nagged me for taking thirty seconds for a candy bar? How could I forget?”

Sehun rolls his eyes at Zitao’s drama and shifts his position on the floor in an effort to get more comfortable.

“Why did you say you were surprised that my neighbors were still together?”

Out of boredom, Zitao takes a puff from the bowl at the center of the table, cringing as he places it in his mouth.

“Because I was—why are you so obsessed with them?”

Sehun frowns at Zitao’s word choice of ‘obsessed’ but continues nonetheless, “Because I’ve gotten to know them and I’m curious.”

Zitao takes another grab at the puffs sitting innocently in the bowl, and sticks his tongue out as the next one enters his mouth, pain etched across his face.

“I don’t know much but they fight a lot and it’s unhealthy. I even caught them in the hallway fighting one time while taking out the garbage. The tall one was crying and they were going back and forth about who was going to move out.”

Sehun sits up at Zitao’s words, shocking the later at his friend’s interest.

“When was this?”

Zitao eyes Sehun carefully, “Why do you care?”

“Because I—”

“—I swear if I wasn’t going crazy with hunger where I’m resorting to eating Junmyeon’s snacks, I would say you’re emotionally invested with one or both of them.”

“They came to help us unpack when we moved in so I’m naturally curious about them.”

Zitao watches Sehun for a moment before popping another puff into his mouth and gagging.

“I’m not sure, it was cold outside. February? January? Hell, March? I don’t know.”

Sehun just nods at Zitao’s testimonial then lays back down.

_Were they that bad only a few months ago? Is that why Baekhyun looked the way he did after getting off the phone? They seem very…up and down._

_Kind of how Mom and Dad were._

 

_Are they going to break up like my parents did?_

A surge of hope warms the base of his chest and Sehun isn’t sure if he should feel disgusted or rejoice at the actual possibility.

 

_Is this the weakness Mr. Lee told me about? I shouldn’t be disgusted with or fight my feelings?_

Sehun opens his mouth to ask Zitao about his opinion on Mr. Lee’s advice before the door opens. There stands a taller man with hard features. His hair is styled up and similar to Zitao, is quite stylish. The light of the room catches the lone stud earring in the man’s ear.

“Tao, we got,” the man’s attention turns to Sehun on the floor, “oh—Anyway, we brought takeout and your friend can join us if he wants.”

Zitao nods, “Sehun, this is Kris—”

And just like that, another man, albeit shorter, enters the doorway. Still stylish but not as quite, he manages to find space in the doorway and supplies, “Did you tell--oh.” Like Kris, the smaller man’s attention is also drawn to Sehun on the floor. “Are you a friend of Zitao’s?”

Sehun nods, “Um, I’m Sehun—”

“Come wash up for dinner then.” The smaller man flashes a smile and leaves the doorway. The taller, also known as Kris stands awkwardly at the doorway for a few seconds before exiting the room without a word.

Sehun continues to stare at the empty doorway until Zitao’s voice pulls him out of his slight trance.

Standing up, Zitao remarks, “That’s the Junmyeon I talk about sometimes. I guess you’re invited to dinner.”

 

 

 

I’M TRASH IK I HAVEN’T UPDATED FOR ALMOST FIVE MONTHS BUT I WROTE TWO OTHER ONESHOTS DURING THAT TIME IDK I CAN’T EXPLAIN MYSELF. I want to finish this fic by the end of the summer so I can live my non ‘wow I really need to update that fic hmmmmmmmmm’ life. I’m not sure if I will continue on with the krisho dinner next chapter or possibly switch back to chanbaek. I really don’t know. I want to readapt my update at least once a week schedule I had going before I started school again but oh well.

 

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See you soon! (*•̀ᴗ•́*) و ̑̑

 

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